How do I know when dropping the rope is a good idea and when doing a 180 and being a good listener is a good idea?
Doing a 180 and listening are always good ideas. Just be guarded, I suppose, when H tries to 'use' you as a friend, when he is clearly hurting you with his decisions.
Dropping the rope will empower you. You can remind yourself that you cannot control your H's actions. You can control what YOU allow in your life. Enough begging/pleading for MC. He has got to want to go. Otherwise, its a waste. I would honestly cancel it, and tell him why. Let him blame you, you cannot control that. When he starts in on blaming you, say neutral things like "I am sorry you feel that way" and things like that.
Keep up the detachment (it'll do wonders for your self esteem). It'll get easier. You don't have to 'let go' of your marriage for good, just for now.
