It's a Feeling He Can Taste (9)

[gForce]

W calls to tell me happy father's day-- and it is very strained, forcing the conversation along, neither of us really willing to open up about our lives. SD is with her father. W is on her way to see her parents. Then she mentions that she is planning to set up counseling. I ask her what she hopes to accomplish. She says she needs to straighten out her life, that she is crying all the time for no reason, she doesn't like how she is acting, that she needs to stop hurting the people around her, and that she doesn't know why she is telling me this since she doesn't expect any sympathy from me.

I tell her that I don't like seeing her like this, I get no satisfaction out of it, but what does she want from me (if anything), especially when she is trying so hard to avoid contact with me. But she knows I am right here if she needs anything. She says she doesn't know, just wanted to hear my voice, but thinks she shouldn't have called.

I didn't tell her about the jobs, listing the house, my plans to move, or anything else going on in my life. I didn't ask about OM or anything else going on in hers. I really feel bad for her and it is not as if I am insensitive to her - she is still the woman to whom I am married. But after the lies, deceit, disrespect (see this morning's exchange on lodo's thread) - I feel a divide between us that I don't have the energy or motivation to cross. At least not in response to words. Yes she is confused, in a fog, conflicted -- all those things. But her confusion is not enough for me. Not any more.