I'm reviving this thread after reading an interesting study on emotional abandonment.
It's a long article, and in my sitch, H doesn't necessarily fit any of the descriptions that well because it seems to focus mostly on victims emotionally abandoned by their mothers at a very young age (my H was abandoned by father during his early teens). But I found this one particular part very interesting because like many others, my H said he felt empty when he dropped the bomb. Maybe this explains why they seek out A's:
"There's little capacity to respond passionately to a healthy/rewarding dynamic, because the familiar ache of intense longing and yearning (which has come to be interpreted as "Love") is absent with an available partner. One's perception of such a relationship is that "something's missing," as it cannot trigger feelings that parallel his unrequited attachment experiences in childhood."
The article might also be useful for anyone like me who has young children, to show us how NOT to depend on our children for emotional support during this difficult time, because the effects will stay with them and affect their adult relationships in an unhealthy way. The last thing I want to do is unintentionally create a monster worse than my MLC-ing H!
