WOW!! i really have been treating forgiveness as a feeling and not a decision that needs to be reinforce and continually reenforced again. i have expressed forgiveness and felt wonderful by it but slacked on the part about continuing to make it true. like everything else now that i see it i can fix it.
Thanks, you are great, I really wish that i could have called you today to tell you about my day. i was so happy and sad at the same time, i really could not process all that happened. i am smart enough to keep my feeling in check and not expect anything from her but i think i did good and that is the way i want to be remembered if it never works out, but no worries because it will.
Last edited by JWS; 06/15/0804:49 AM.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
as i suspected this morning was a bit hard because yesterday felt so right.
something else happened too, the other day a man in my field of work died on the job. I would not say this is common but it is something we face at work and happens more then it should. it really made me upset. it could happen at any time and i know that she would not want it to end this way. i have had to deal with these feelings before but it seems different now, more important.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
Well I am back home again. Today I saw her for about two hours but they were as good as yesterday. We took the puppy for a walk and she laid out a plan for the next few weeks. Next weekend she wants to come here and then do something fun for my birthday. Then she is thinking of staying the week so we can sort through and pack our stuff up. The following weekend move her to school and give her that entire week to get her place set. over the 4th weekend shed come back to help me move to my place and clean up the house we are leaving. Then both of us down to law school to spend time with friends we have there.
This seems good, I mean I knew we would have to separate stuff and all that but she is being so good about everything. There were several times this weekend that she acted completely like my wife minus the “I love yous” and telling me that she cannot be my wife. I may be reading into things but it really seems that is her defenses and she is really saying “I cannot be your wife YET!!’ because I know she likes the way things are going.
I am very scared to have her here for that entire week. It’s my chance to show her a different me and I will not blow it. Seeing her in this good light, has made me soooooooo attracted to her (not that I have ever not been) and it hurts to still not have her back, but I guess that is a bit of old impatient me in there.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
Glad you are feeling more positive. I am so sorry to hear about your work colleague.
It is good that you have some structure with your w, it will help with the feelings of anxiety. Just keep calm, go with the flow but keep observing the situation and 180 if you need to. Remember that you have learnt so much and rely that some of it will have sunk in.
You said she likes the way things are going. I see that as a positive in starting your 'new' relationship with your wife. Try to take the pressure off yourself, as humans we are natuarally not perfect but you can do your best and now you are armed with tools to help yourself and the situation.
Well today I had the most wonderful day with my best friend and I would like to tell you all about it.
You day sounded amazing and romantic--see, you're creating great new memories.
Originally Posted By: JWS
Then I told her all I wanted for my up coming birthday was for her to put her ring back on and be my wife even if she did not like me. I said I am not asking for you to move back in with me just be part of this marriage. She said she could not.
I know that hurt, but you know you were pushing.
It's like my cats. Seriously!
My cats have taken to try to wake me up in the morning by scratching at my bedroom door and meowing. All it does is annoy me, and I yell, "Stop it!"
But if I see them under the crack in the door, waiting patiently and quietly for me to get up on my own, often it will make me get out of bed and go pet them cause it's so cute.
I think you need to be the patient cat that lets your wife want to come to you, wait until she asks to come home, wants to put her ring on on her own, and then wait some more, because those decisions need to be solidified in her mind as commitments.
(Side note: ever since my H left, the cats have been clinging to me like barnacles whenever I'm home. He was their favorite "parent" (bigger lap, etc.), and now I think they think I might leave too unless they stay within 1 inch of me at all times. Anyone who says that animals cannot feel loss is way wrong.)
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
that’s it too funny because we have two cats that are exactly the same way. they mean the world to her and they are always loving on her, but since she has been gone they cling to me, even when she saw them two weeks ago on would not come out for her.
I know i pushed it, things were so good she seemed as if she would surly come home if i asked, i know that was just me being too excited and not keeping emotions in check. I don't want to help her come home, i want to be her when she is ready to do it on here own and allow that to happen. good news however it was very little pushing over the course of several good hours, while she did stiff arm me she did not allow it to ruin the rest of the night or the next day!!
She did mention something that two years ago she told me she wanted and I said I would get it for her but never did. It is very small and cheep but it symbolizes my job and in turn me, and she still thinks about it, so I am going to track down this little shop on the other side of the country to see if I can still get it, just as a gesture that I listen to what she is saying and do care.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
well heres the latest. got a pretty rude email the other day telling me that this weekend was a friends weekend and i better not give her any grief because she can't handle it. that got to me but then i let it go.
today we went out to try and have some fun. in the car she was a bit moody but she is not a morning person so thats ok. she told me she more or less made up with her parents and was excited to have their support. we took the puppy to the beach and played and walked along the surf for quite a while. we had a pretty good talk about setting up our apartments and such, on the walk back i felt her hand brush mine. i thought she was reaching for mine so i reached for hers and she ripped it way with a glare. no words were spoken and we let it drop.
then we went to a museum, and had a great time. she keep saying things like "we" should get this or that, or "us" but any time i used those two words, she just said well see or maybe or blow me off. this is not even about any issues or our R or M.
we had more planned but she got car sick on a very curvy road. i got her some meds and they made her fall a sleep so we came home. it was a great day with my friend and i should just keep it at that. i am just dumb founded how she can treat me this way. I am having a hard time with being very very attracted to her on top of everything else.
tomorrow is my birthday, witch she blew off last year so will see, and then the rest of the week is packing up our stuff and moving to different apartments. so for a week i have a live in WAS and am not really sure how to handle that.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
well heres the latest. got a pretty rude email the other day telling me that this weekend was a friends weekend and i better not give her any grief because she can't handle it. that got to me but then i let it go.
today we went out to try and have some fun. in the car she was a bit moody but she is not a morning person so thats ok. she told me she more or less made up with her parents and was excited to have their support. we took the puppy to the beach and played and walked along the surf for quite a while. we had a pretty good talk about setting up our apartments and such, on the walk back i felt her hand brush mine. i thought she was reaching for mine so i reached for hers and she ripped it way with a glare. no words were spoken and we let it drop.
then we went to a museum, and had a great time. she keep saying things like "we" should get this or that, or "us" but any time i used those two words, she just said well see or maybe or blow me off. this is not even about any issues or our R or M.
we had more planned but she got car sick on a very curvy road. i got her some meds and they made her fall a sleep so we came home. it was a great day with my friend and i should just keep it at that. i am just dumb founded how she can treat me this way. I am having a hard time with being very very attracted to her on top of everything else.
tomorrow is my birthday, witch she blew off last year so will see, and then the rest of the week is packing up our stuff and moving to different apartments. so for a week i have a live in WAS and am not really sure how to handle that.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
