H4H - Thank you so much for being here, it helps me immensely.
You are so right - sometime I think the only way I could be able to DB properly is if I just take off for a couple of months - but I obviously can't. W is leaving Monday for her "business" trip - so I am not going to see, and probably hear her for the whole week.... She is going anyway to spend it with OM, so I don't know what good can come from it I need to prepare for when she comes back - NOT to ask how was the trip and all the other questions that I don't really need an answer for and are only going to get us in a fight. Maybe I should just stop talking completely - until the situation changes - but I am panicking - I am afraid that she is going to move with my kids to OM house - I don't know how I could react to something like that..... if there is a moment in life I have to build a strong character this is it.
You're right, this is the time you have to be strong for YOURSELF. You lead your own life independent of W and you need to be able to define what that means. Who is rop? what does rop like? what does rop hate? what annoys rop? if rop were stuck on a desert island, which 5 items would he want to have with him? if rop were to decorate a room, what would it look like?
Don't beat yourself up too much. We all have made mistakes, it only human.
But I totally agree with the others, you have to move forward and do things for you. You are still way too focused on her, focus on YOU.. do things that make YOU happy. You deserve that at least.
You can drive yourself nuts thinking about the future with her, so don't. Some things we just don't have control over. She is all over the place with her emotions, you need to distance yourself from her NOW...
Hang in there...
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Saturday, I got another difficult day - until I got the kids. It is unbelievable, I was sort of depressed, I missed W, then she called and asked me to keep the kids for the evening (so she could go out for dinner with OM), and I got happy right away - I didn't care what W was doing, I was just so happy to stay with the kids.... I think I am going nuts.
tiredandlost.... thank you for your support. The fact is that I had few weeks that I was doing well, with me and with W, then kaboom... a huge backslide!
Anyway........... If we are talking about emotions all over the place... THAT'S ME... W seems pretty OK, she has her "new" relation, she wants to divorce me, have a new life.... she doesn't feel she is doing ANYTHING wrong, hey she is set!
lodo - redefine myself is a necessary step, I agree. Thank you for remind it to me.
In a desert island.... mmmmm - 1)a BIG knife, 2)a lighter 3)ropes 4)a blanket 5)sunscreen.
OK - I REALLY need some help here - I don't know what to do. W spent the whole Sunday with OM an MY KIDS!!! Together, having fun , pretending THEY are a family - I wanted to spend some time in the afternoon with the kids, but W turned off the cell and has been unreachable until 9:00 pm - I am so MAAAAAAAD I said W I need to talk as soon as the kids are at sleep - I don't want to sound upset with her, but I am MAD - She has this "argument" that OM needs to know the kids.... I said so MANY times that I am against it.... but it doesn't matter.
Well, telling her she can't let him see the kids is only going to make it more necessary for her to file for D so that legally you have no control over this. Perhaps she's doing this because you wouldn't take the kids so she could have alone time with OM.
Since you can't emotionally detach, your best bet is to go dark. Not even for your W or M, but for your own personal mental health. Get into a T, consider AD's too. I did a low dose. It's okay if you need it.
Do not talk with your W when you are mad. I'm sorry, but if you try to control this situation she will probably file for D.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
For the 2 or 3 that read about my sitch - I spent a very nice week with my kids - W is abroad with OM so I have them just for me - wonderful - Today S6 told me, out of the blue, that mom told him she is going to merry OM - not bad, W assured me just days ago that S6 doesn't "suspect" anything about her and OM, yea.... right... she TOLD HIM! Anyway..... I didn't even get upset.... I don't even no if I should tell W that S6 told me about it, I think I shouldn't but I am dying to confront her on this other lie..... but what is the point anyway? Now I know the big D is inevitable, otherwise why make S6 go through this? D4, that was present when S6 spoke, screamed and cried that she doesn't want to live with OM. Poor kids, I know eventually they are going to be fine, but it is sad. I am doing fine, also if the news shocked me and put me in a state of confusion for a couple of hours. I have been taking good care of myself, I have been exercising and it is starting to show, I have longer hair and a bit of a tan, I just need to fix my attitude and be out of the neediness, not easy but I am improving a lot. I still think W is going to die after me in few months, she is probably going to be married, and I don't even think I would get her back, but I am sure she is going to die after me..... and that is going to be my little revenge.
Do the stuff for you and the kids. Don't give a damn about your wife. The putting stuff in motion that you cannot control. Just control yourself, rop. Confronting will do nothing but upset you, upset her and push her away that much further.
Tell yourself good riddance to her. I realize it is hard, but you have been doing good, lately.
Some day, she'll figure out what she lost.
Is there a way to fight for at least equal custoday of your kids? Are you in a position to do that?
I have gotten my roomie to agree to 50/50 split. Just have to get stuff in writing.
Good luck, rop. I am trying to keep up with you, too. A lot going on in my life as you know.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
H4H - I'll try with all myself to shut up - this is my goal for now - just shut up - Today I got the divorce papers in the mail - she called yesterday the Law office from abroad to finalize the big D..... I didn't talk to her since she left Monday, so maybe she is having such a good time with OM that she finally decided to finalize - oh well - I'll shut up - I am NOT going to tell her I got the papers, I am not going to comment or ask about her trip. Nothing about what S6 told me. I need to have the strength to shut up. Not that she is going to come back, but if I avoid ANY discussion I can just try to move on with my life in peace. Tonight I can't fall asleep - I'll try with a chamomile tea - also if this week has been good, today I felt sad and alone, to see the papers in the mail has been another cold shower, I knew it was going to happen, but for some reason it hit me anyway. blah
