Not tough questions at all, cos I run these and other things through my mind all the time.
It's funny cos I was talking with SIL last night about W behaviour, and it's best approached with calm DB principles. For instance, if I do something which W perceived to be wrong she has now started to add sarcasm to her shouting, so in a calm manner I just ask her how is that sort of reply going to help us or how is it going to get the job done. It actually stops and makes her think, she still has a rant but it takes the wind out of her sails. In the past I would have just walked away or argued rather than giving a measured response. I think the bottom line here is not to roll over in an argument but not to fuel the flames so it gets out of hand.
In terms of OM's, well I had known that we had problems in our M for a long time and I ignored them, this is why I think she turned to OM #2 which was a long term EA. I actually came across his number a long time ago before I realised he was an EA. In this case I snooped and monitored the situation over a long period of time, I only busted them when I found a text with sexual references. I think now I would confront it sooner, and not accept implausible explanations. With regards OM #1 who was the PA as far as that is concerned I draw a boundary there, no trying to DB that one out. When W implied it was all over with him she said if I tried to contact him or "hunt him down" that would be the end for us. I didn't respond at the time, no actually I did respond, I said OM was her business not mine. I think now I want to say to her that if she contacts OM that's the end for us, not very DB but that's what I would want to say, but opportunities for serious talk have been limited so I leave that thought on file.
Oh another incident, yesterday W went shopping with D6 and when she came in a 5pm she went to bed for a nap, but she has more or less slept through to today (16 hrs and counting). This used to really pee me off, and I would counter it by ignoring or avoiding her for a similar amount of time. But not any more, I have to take into account W's lung condition where she's not able to get similar amounts of oxygen into the blood as normal people so any exertions (shopping lol) leaves here tired and needing longer periods of time to recover. So I'm on hand to look after D6 when she's out of action.
But it's not all doom and gloom, last night when I went to bed W woke briefly and stroked my head and looked over me lovingly for a while before we both fell asleep. I thought geeze that's not happened before in a long, long time. Also there was on another incident I think last week when I was touching W in a certain way and she didn't flinch, again I thought I don't think I've done this in a long time certainly not since before we were married. So it's little things like this that reassure me there is no OM, cos when there is an OM she keeps me at more than arms length.
Lan
PS: fb, I'll try to think of a few more for instances.
