Holding Pattern

[JWS]

Well today I had the most wonderful day with my best friend and I would like to tell you all about it. I was going to go to a wedding of a very good friend today. I had asked her if she wanted to go with me and she said no. I was going to be flying there (I am a pilot by the way) and she said she would really like to go flying. I asked if I blew off the wedding would you go flying with me. She said yes. So I did. She meet me at the airport and as soon as we got into the plane it was perfect. Even before we took off we were talking and having a great time like old friends. We flew up to the lake and spent two hours checking out everything that we grew up seeing and taking pictures. The entire time we enjoyed each others company and teased back and forth.

She said that she was hungry so we dropped in to a small airport on the lake, and took a cab into town to a nice restraunt on the water. We spent two perfect hours eating and talking. It seemed as she was trying to bait me a bit like last week telling me about her game and guys she has been hanging out with and getting drunk with but I did not bite off, I just said cool and let it be. I talked about school a lot and how much I would be there for her. She even let me take her hand and tell her how proud I was of her. Then I said there is nothing to big between us and that was too much, so I backed off. Then we went back to the airport just were took in the scenery around us. I told her it was way to beautiful not to get a hug and she agreed and hugged me. Then we took off, more sight seeing til she started to feel ill because it was bumpy. We went back to the city and landed.

While putting the plane away we made eye contact and just held it for 5 mins, we stared into each others eyes. I could not help but start talking, so I did. We talked and stared into each others eyes for almost 20 mins. I told her I know that I had hurt her and only my actions would make up for it. And please find it in you to forgive. I was totally on board for law school and those were not just words. It went really well and she was really hearing me. Then I told her all I wanted for my up coming birthday was for her to put her ring back on and be my wife even if she did not like me. I said I am not asking for you to move back in with me just be part of this marriage. She said she could not. But it did not catch me off guard because I expect her to speak in negatives and I played cool.

That hurt but it was the only down side to 5 wonderful hours with my friend. They we went out to dinner with my folks witch was very nice as well, we interacted in every way as if we always have, just not touching or I love yous. Then we parted and I was able to leave her exactly with the memory that I want her to have for me. I know right now she is num to be but I have been able to say how I feel and that I know where I made mistakes, I am here for you and a great guy and the balls in your court.

I know it was not perfect but it was as close to perfection as I could have ever imagined in this situation in the past 8 weeks. The hardest part for me is seeing her in such a wonderful light. I was soooooooooo attracted to her and for a while forgot our problems. Before I got the hug I found myself massaging her neck, she was loving it but said your lucky that I am sore or this would not be happening. I just laughed and said I know. I felt bummed afterwards because I know exactly what I am missing,. That being said I am doing all that I can. I know that I am a great guy and I want her to see that on her own. I don’t want to drag her along through this and have her accept me because I begged for it and leave me again latter, I want her to realize what she has and that she can still have it.

I planted some great seeds today but I know that they will take quite some time and watering for them to grow.