I guess this is all for the best. I failed her, and then she failed me. I'd always thought marriage was about helping each other get back up after you fall down, but I guess not. It's just a state of slowly getting on each other's nerves until one of you does something desperate to get out of the situation.
I can't believe it, but you're more depressed than me!!! I still think marriage is about helping you out, being together for better & worse not just better, etc. But I think we may have married people that don't think like that maybe? I still like to be optimistic about marriage, but if your spouse goes nuts, what can you do? I'm trying to figure that out.
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Part of the problem with DB, as I'm sure everyone on here has felt - both WAS & LBS - is, when do I feel respected? If I pour all this energy and emotion into the relationship, when does it get returned in a way I need? Why does it always have to be about the other person and their inability to deal with their issues, or work on things, or say no, or whatever.
Immediately. I was never respected by my H, and I do think he respects me now, if nothing else. Do you really think your W doesn't respect you? I don't think you should put too much energy into the relationship if your W doesn't return it; focus on you--I'm going to try to do that myself.
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And why do men and women understand each other so poorly?! Haven't we had a really long time to figure this out? I mean, I look back on my sitch and I have no clue what the best strategy would be. And it's over! In the movies, you'd chase after them and then look long into their eyes until they melted and everything was okay. In DB, you do the LRT and they start to understand what they're throwing away. In reality? Well. It's complicated and unclear and you may be doing the LRT when they just want you to call them.
But I don't think it's a woman/man thing--maybe a communication thing. I'd like to have a spouse that would just tell you stuff although from the talks I've had with my H, he didn't even know what he wanted to be able to tell me. So what can you do with someone that doesn't know what they want much less how to ask for it?
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Maybe marriage is unnatural - we should change partners every 10 years so that as we change our partners are in sync. Otherwise, we're all just in pain.
OK, that's how my H thinks, and my big bro recommends I do everything the opposite of what he suggests. I know you don't believe that, do you?
I still think marriage is about helping you out, being together for better & worse not just better, etc. But I think we may have married people that don't think like that maybe? I still like to be optimistic about marriage, but if your spouse goes nuts, what can you do? I'm trying to figure that out.