D and I were in the car heading to the store and she said "I wish we didn't have to split up." I told her I was too. She then asked if I missed mommy, which I said I did. She said "You hurt Mommy's feelings when you yelled at her. You made her cry. That is why she left, Daddy. Why did you yell at her?"
I told D that I made some mistakes and I didn't mean to hurt Mommy. I told her I would always be sorry that I yelled at Mommy sometimes. D then said "You don't yell at me when you get mad, but you yell at Mommy. What is the difference? You didn't need to yell at her, Daddy." I told her she was right, and I wished I hadn't yelled at Mommy.
My 5-year-old is very perceptive. It made me wish I could go back, but of course I can't. It also made me sad.
Finally, it made me wish my W would see some of the things she did to contribute to our downfall so we could work on them and find our love again. I don't think W is willing to take any blame, as her e-mail to me evidences. I can only continue to do my part and hope that someday, W will see things honestly and begin to work on her end of the deal.
Maybe that day will never come. I'm prepared either way. Hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.
