Oh crud, I think the sex might have been too good for him. I just went over to refill my tea and he's asleep again in the chaise!
The kids finally gave up on him taking them to the pool and started a game of "hose tag" outside. H told them we would go to the pool tomorrow, that he wanted to do that for Father's Day, and we would take a picnic. D8 came over to me, crying, about how she's waited all day for Daddy to wake up and go to the pool with them. I told her that I would've taken them but didn't feel right about all of us leaving Daddy sleeping like that after he drove up here to see them. I told her we'd go tomorrow and that it would be fun. She started crying more and said, "no, we won't go tomorrow either. Daddy will have a headache or be sleeping." It makes me so sad because that is a prominent memory of their time with him before he left us, that and being on the computer for hours on end. In the past, I would've used all of the psychology and persuasive powers I could muster to "coerce" him into doing things with us. Probably 75% of the time that's how it was. That had a lot to do with my frustration with him and the ensuing sarcasm and angry outbursts from me. I am VERY family centric and I believed him to be so, too. I wouldn't have married him otherwise. He DOES indeed love his children very much but he's not very involved for long periods of time. When he's away, he doesn't call them very often either. His family is the same way. They haven't spoken to the kids or me since Christmas. I swear, if it wasn't for me and the kids over the years, H would've had very little contact with his family. They get along great, just not big on keeping in touch. Strange. I talk to my family several times a week. Anyway.
I really believe he suffers from clinical depression and has for some years. Sometimes, he can rise above it. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. He just reminds me of those Cymbalta commercials. The anger and depression make me think bipolar or at least borderline BP. Who am I to say? I'm trying to stop "diagnosing" him all the time.
It hit me the other day that it seems like most of the time, there was this underlying anger towards me most of our marriage. There would be months where I didn't feel it and then for a couple of months, there it was again. I would wonder what I had done wrong or be afraid to speak so as not to set him off. Hard for me because I am VERY outspoken and confrontational when I need to be.
Well, I keep wrestling with whether I should go check on the kids or not. I hear S5 having a fit. But then I think, hell no. I'm with them 24/7. Sleepy or not, he can deal with them for one afternoon. I'm not going to "bail" him out. That's how most of our marriage has been. Me putting out fires and coordinating everything and him doing his own thing. No more. Well, at least not while he's at my house. When he's at school, I can't control that.
It's a nice cool breeze out now and I certainly don't want to go back in the house. I feel forgotten over here and it feels great! lol
