In our unit, the command MAKES the guys get a POA for their wives. Mine expired but I need him to give me at least a specific POA because my i.d. expires on July 3 and he'll be at school.
Well, he's here right now at the house (I'm at my neighbors patio enjoying not being "paged" by any children). I thought he wasn't going to make it because he usually drives up at night after school and he wasn't here when I woke up (but my ex-H was for S16. lol). But he slept a little first and got here late this morning. The kids were ecstatic. I didn't tell them he was coming. S5 was taking the dog out when he saw his daddy's truck pull up. I got tears in my eyes watching him run to him and the look of excitement on both of their faces. The kids played with him for awhile. I was so happy to see the baby's response to him, like no absence had occurred. The neighbor kids came over and H said they could play for a little bit while he took a quick nap after that long drive. Well, he slept a little longer than he expected but um, well, I might have had something to do with that. teehee I've had to make a lot of sacrifices and go without quite a few perks I'm used to. If I've got an opportunity to get some guilt-free somethin-somethin, I'm going for it. I "earned" it. :-) My friend called (the kids were at her house) but I didn't answer the first time so she figured I was "reclaiming territory". lol
No relationship talk. I'm still doing my own stuff around the house although it's hard not to stay glued to him like we usually are. One of the kids friends asked him where he lived. He said, "I live here but I'm just away at school for the Army". Hm. I asked him a few minutes ago if he would buy some groceries for the kids because we were out of most stuff. He said yes. He also ordered pizza for everybody.
I've been noticing myself doing things differently as a result of the awesome advice I've been getting and the things I've been reading in DR and in FWO (I admit, I've also been reading, "For Men Only" to see if I'm a "typical, normal" woman. I'm happy to report that I am. lol) The biggest think I've noticed is that I'm starting to look ahead at consequences of actions or reactions before I do something. I made a note for myself on my cabinet, "THINK before you act and then THINK AGAIN. No: "more of the same" or going down "cheeseless tunnels". You all must think my whole house looks like it's wallpapered in post-it notes. ha ha
For example, when I woke up this morning and saw that he hadn't arrived in the night. I almost started crying. I went to check my email to see if he left a message. Nothing. I tried calling him. No answer. I almost sent him a message about the no show but chose not to (big huge step for me, sarcasm is one of my strongest traits, sadly). Then I thought when he called, I'd make comments about the "Cats and the Cradle" song and about this being the 3rd time, blah blah blah. When I was in the yard and saw his truck pull up, my heart leaped and I thanked GOD that He stopped me from actin a fool during one of my emotional assumption episodes. Big leap for me in maturing.
I have had a bad habit since I was a kid of doing the "flyin by the seat of my pants, knee-jerk reaction, aggressive controlling" thing in a desperate attempt, provoked by fear, to keep myself from feeling pain. I have FINALLY figured out (after 40+ years)that just because I can control the outside of things, it does little to affect the inside. Like that old joke about the rebellious boy whose father told him to go sit in the corner and he says, "I may be sitting down on the outside but I'm STANDING UP on the inside!" The Bible says, "man looks on the outer appearance but God looks on the heart". So, I could surmise that my H is fine in our marriage because I managed to scare off an OW, monitor his cell phone, whereabouts, etc. But I discovered that assumption was far from the truth. When the time was right and after his "insides" had created and added to an elaborate escape plan (ok, well it's not all James Bond-ish as all that, but you get what I'm saying. :-)), he flew the coop. Only he and God can do anything about what's inside. My job is to not encourage him in the wrong direction and to stay tenacious with the DB techniques. The outcome is whatever it is.
I see that I am really growing through this process. I'm glad I've been journaling here and on my blog. I'm able to see where I was and how far I've come.
Well, I just peeked in my back door and they (and the neighbor kids) are playing a game at the table with the Poppa, eating pizza. No one seems to notice I'm gone. HALLELUJAH!! Even the baby is happy. Usually, I can only get about 15-20 minutes out of his view before he starts looking for me and crying (hence, my short internet sessions when I go outside). I know he's up here for Father's Day but glory be, it feels like MOTHER'S DAY to me. lol
