I know EXACTLY how you feel. It hasn't happened for awhile, but there were times when I'd be grocery shopping and I suddenly just had to get out before I lost it. The checkout line was a nightmare and suddenly all the produce was pointing a finger at me. The snicker bars and gum and tabloids seemed to size me up and find me wanting. I was pathetic and alone.
But it got better. I won't say it's all the way better. I went to the farmer's market this morning, and while I walked up and down the aisles and stopped to get my box of veggies, I didn't browse. I didn't pick up things and think, "Should I get this for dinner Tuesday night?" For awhile I was getting fresh flowers to help cheer up the house and, by extension, my mood. But lately I've walked straight past them.
But, I haven't had to leave because I was so sad for awhile. My life is in flux and it's beginning to coagulate around other centers. I think it was moving and setting up an entirely new place that really helped me get past the past.
Anyway, don't know if this helps. Good luck with the L. My W was so happy to go have a L take a look at our agreement on Friday. She wants me to sign it today - no time like the present, eh?
lodo
PS - I think you're right. There's a part of us that will never recover from all of this. It's too bad, but it's reality. From here on out everything will be new.
