H and I talked again a lot last night....more about how we are feeling that we are not going anywhere....He feels this way, too, and said he had felt it since the beginning of our relationship, even before the separation, and before the A...It is like we always thought if we could JUST get it together we'd have it all. So, these past 2 months we "gave it all" and we realize it is just not there. We are both unable to say it's hopeless yet, because we both said we probably jsut need time, but we are still unhappy. We are clinging to retrouvaille to really help us as well. So, no we can't say that we have done our all out best, because as puppy said we need to give it at least 6 months with NC and work to really know.
OM and all of his qualities.....h4h, u asked if I thought about how he'd be as a father, etc. I could probably say all good things about him right now, but I am a smart enough girl and have read enough to know that I may not be seeing him clearly.
I want to try and I dont want to feel hopeless and the same goes for him.
hopeforus, you talk from your heart and with pain. I know my H and he would not want to know this. I'm not selling him short. I know him. We have talked and we have said when we are in a better place he may want to know more details and we may be able to talk about them. That will be the time we may "go there". Right now we are just trying to get some positives in our relationship....anything. Talking about me seeing OM is really a drop in the bucket of our many drops of problems, but, no, I do NOT think it would bring us closer together. It was more for me to see, not for him. I needed to do this. I see what you are saying, and for you, it may be what is best, but for me and H...it would not. At least for now. OM is frustrated....going back and forth with me....who wouldn't....the "friend" is over 10 years younger and i'm confident they are friends. He didn't want to be home and miserable thinking about us. We broke up 2 months ago and he has not dated anyone.
DanceQ-Keep posting. Good to hear your thoughts. You are exactly right......I want intimacy, and I am not getting it from H. How do I get it?
Puppy- Consensus possibly, but that's not always the best way to make a decision. I do agree I need to do the 6 month no contact. I was doing good for 2 then messed it all up. Now, I have to start over. No, it is not too much to ask.
Sara is right. I do withhold intimacy from him now. I just don't feel anything toward him in that way anymore and I have a hard time remembering when i did. It is all about the lack of intimacy. And, I agree with what she said about it being the problem I should focus on.
Puppy, if you ask my H what his biggest concern is.....it would be that we will never have passion or that feeling that is missing....NOT trust....I can guarantee that....My situation and the way he and I are are different from most. We were separated for 3 years......and he did NOTHING.......the A and this contact I had is NOTHING compared to what we both feel we may never get. He did things in the past that were wrong as well and I don't want to know if he is still doing them.....just want some changes in our relationship and feelings. He already knows about the A, there is nothing more to tell about that.
