Summary:(Note: this summary was written 4/8/07 and has pretty much remained the same since then. My confidence that God would work things out for His good have simply been confirmed over and over again) M 16.5 S 14, D 16 (live with mom); SS 25 (lives with me)
11/05 - X files D 7/06 - X moved out with kids (I offered X the house but she declined so I bought her out. Immediately OM is in the picture continuously at her new place) 10/17/06 - D final 5/07 - X Marries OM 11/07 - Arrange face to face with Mr. X to forgive him.
The marriage was rocky for over 10 years. X had an affair with a different OM around 98/99. We separated for 6 months from 6/99 to 12/99 (I moved because of her hysterics and volatility) but got back together. After X moved this time, I attempted to "stand" for the marriage but since coming back to the board in 8/06, I slowly moved from vigorously standing, to remaining open to reconciliation to deciding that I would not reconcile. X getting married closed the door on reconciliation for good.
X and I have been Christians since before we started dating, X has asserted that God has given her permission to D and has paved her way to be with OM who is not a Christian (uh, yeah, that sounds like a message straight from the throne of God).
My title comes from the Bible verse:
Quote:
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
I own my part in the demise of marriage but I believe my X had no grounds for divorce according to our professed faith and the teachings we held from the Bible. Yet, I still maintain that God will use this situation to work for His greater good.
Getting A Life The transition from being devastated at the realization that OM was not "Just a friend," to "Standing for the marriage" to "Getting A Life" and finally deciding I would not take X back has been an extremely challenging journey but God has provided the people, resources total support that I have needed including the people in this forum. My life has become increasingly full, an amazing adventure with blessing after blessing after blessing.
Mahalo (thank you)! A huge "thank you" goes out to Michele for making this forum available for us DBers who tried and yet still wound up in this forum. An equally huge "thank you" goes out to the people in this forum who lend an ear, offer sage advice or a shoulder (or thread) to cry on. There have been plenty of very challenging times I have had to go through to this point and this forum and the people in it have helped immeasurably in bringing healing.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
I closed my own thread with this yesterday, (twice in a row!) Of course, the bitterness of the Laker loss got the best of me, sorry Bethie if I hurt your Celtic feelings.
So, my last thread Was ALOHA which segues nicely into HOLA. Ok, there is still 5 months until I go to Spain but I really need to practice my Spanish.
Big weekend with both ups and downs anticipated:
In about 4 hours, my men's group will be knocking on my door. This has been my lifeline for about 20 months and will be something I do for the rest of my life, in one form or another. Again, we simply let our defenses down and share what we are dealing with, seek prayer for each other and hold each other accountable for what they say they need to change in their lives.
Men's Ministry Gathering Afterwards I will partake in a different gathering at a local park for men who serve in the church, food, fellowship, some basketball (some injuries) etc. We have not gathered like this in a long time so it is going to be special.
Son's pool (graduation) party at X's house This afternoon X is hosting a pool party for my son. Of course I am invited and I cannot not go but it is still challenging. I have forgiven X and Mr. X but the wound will be tender for who knows how long. My kids will be focused on their friends and I will know other adults at the party but you all get the drift, it is just weird.
Saturday night? Need to do something for me. Some of my best friends are on a weekend missions trip to Mexico so we shall see what God has in store for me.
Father's Day Church with my kids, fellowship with friends at church. My kids and I will spend the day together and then go to my parents in the afternoon for a bbq and maybe some board games and then we will watch the Lakers try to fight off elimination.
It will be an up and down weekend. Even when I take my kids to see their grandparents, there is hurt because all of us realize one woman's decision changed everyone's life.
"Father, you know I desire to be right with you and so I reiterate my petition to you that I remain in forgiveness towards X and Mr. X. Quickly draw them unto You if they have not done so already. Cause me to stay focused on Your love for me as well as all the wonderful things you have done in my life. I give you my will, my emotions, my heart this day. May you be glorified at my son's party. May I truly have joy overflowing that others may see that doing the right thing leads to a life of peace. Amen"
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
The guys just left my houseeincluding some new guys (which means that we actually gathered for 4 hours beginning at 6 a.m.). Each was "blwon away" at how being transparent allows us to open up for the help we need and to see that what men struggle with is common to other men.
Now, off I go to the gathering of servants and then off to X's. This morning, my brothers cautioned me to be aware of bitterness that may have been surfacing. Duly noted and I shall be praying and for X and Mr. X before during and after my time at the "graduation" pool party.
It is indeed, a wonderful life!
George "C2H" Bailey
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
God never ceases to amaze me In August of 2006, one month after X moved out, I was listening to my favorite pastor on christian radio and he quoted a verse that I abolutely needed to hear at that time. It registered so deeply with me that I got my bible, marked the verse with the date, higlighted it and wrote the pastor's name:
You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.
Fast forward to today. We have been going through the bible chapter by chapter on Wednesday nights in the book of Isaiah and today was the day we covered chapters 25 and 26 including the above verse. As I saw the highlight and then looked at what I wrote, marvelled at what God has done in my life in only 22 months. Yep, amazing!
I am actually heading over to the graduation party in a few minutes but my men's group told me to meditate on the word of God before going. To pray, to exude the love of God while I am there.
Psalm 34 Thursday night I dropped off my son after the Laker loss and again, the bitterness wants to stir as I see X open the door, let my son in the house and close the door.
I get home starting to feel a black cloud rise over me when a brother who is struggling with alcohol calls. We talk, we pray, I basically give him a slap accross the face over the phone for shock value and then we pray some more and end the call on a very positive note.
Afterwards I call my best friend who was having a funky day and he happened to be reading Psalm 34. We read it together and again, were edified, strengthened and encouraged. We took captive the thoughts that were seeping in. The thoughts were natural BUT not thoughts God wants us to dwell on. Thoughts of anger resentment or even hatred.
I hung up from that conversation and slept like a baby. On my dirve time the next morning, I prayed and listened to some POWEREFUL messages from my pastor who is on the radio at that time. THEN I called my brother and we were both fired up. I had a GREAT day at work and posted the midday post about being joyful, even when there are things in your life you don't like.
The Word of God takes me from dispair to victory.
There is soooo much more that happened on that Friday and then I topped it off with an evening with my son watching An evening with Scully and Wooden which was a local event, like the actor's studio but with L.A. icon, Vin Scully, voice of the dodgers for over 50 years, someone I grew up with as a kid. ALSO, national treasure, John Wooden (97), was on the stage with Scully as a moderator asked questions. Wooden was as sharp as ever and delighful, a man to be admired and to be used as a roll model.
My son will one day remember he saw them together (on TV, the tickets were too costly as it was a fund raiser for the Children's Hospital), something never before done and never to be repeated.
Again, it all started with a call from a struggling brother which led to Psalm 34 which led to....
Quote:
1 A Psalm of David when he pretended madness before Abimelech, who drove him away, and he departed. I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. 2 My soul shall make its boast in the Lord; The humble shall hear of it and be glad. 3 Oh, magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt His name together. 4 I sought the Lord, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears. 5 They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces were not ashamed. 6 This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, And saved him out of all his troubles. 7 The angel F27 of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, And delivers them. 8 Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him! 9 Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. 10 The young lions lack and suffer hunger; But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing. 11 Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. 12 Who is the man who desires life, And loves many days, that he may see good? 13 Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit. 14 Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it. 15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their cry. 16 The face of the Lord is against those who do evil, To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth. 17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. 18 The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit. 19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all. 20 He guards all his bones; Not one of them is broken. 21 Evil shall slay the wicked, And those who hate the righteous shall be condemned. 22 The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned.
I love my God, I love my life!
Now off to the party!
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
The party went well, I even had a good time. The rest of the evening went even better! God is good!! (Keep your minds out of the gutter and you know who you are! )
Heading off to take my kids to church and then spend the day with my family.
(Go Lakers )
Details later but you all know, I love my life!
Blessings!!!
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
The party went well, I even had a good time. The rest of the evening went even better! God is good!! (Keep your minds out of the gutter and you know who you are! )
]
I'm glad you clarified that because Jill would be all over it!
Well C2, you are a classy guy! You went to that party with your head held high, as you should have, but still a hard thing for most of us!
Well C2, you are a classy guy! You went to that party with your head held high, as you should have, but still a hard thing for most of us!
Written before the party at X's:
Quote:
Now, off I go to the gathering of servants and then off to X's. This morning, my brothers cautioned me to be aware of bitterness that may have been surfacing. Duly noted and I shall be praying and for X and Mr. X before during and after my time at the "graduation" pool party.
My brothers are the ones who told me I needed to face Mr. X face to face and when I did, my life got WAY easier. I took their comments Saturday to heart and so, before the party, I really did spend time in the bible, reading and praying for X and Mr. X. Deeply, sincerely praying for their lives.
When I went to the party, there was a group of my daughters friends and a group of my son's friend and then one group of adults which included X, Mr. X, My X-brother and sister in law, a parent from my son's school and X's long time best friend whom I have known for 22 years. The only group I could join was the adults as they sat around a table playing a friendly game of cards for low stakes over beer and wine.
I stood by and hung out as the other parent (from school) and I observed and just made small talk with everyone there. I was relaxed, cracked a few funny lines, had some food. Visited with my kids briefly but each was with their friends (all of which I knew) and I knew it was peer time, not time for dad to hang around. I wound up staying for about 2 hours.
A similar gathering last summmer for my daughter's birthday was different and much harder. The resentment simmered below and now, by contrast, I can discern the difference.
After I left the party, I had an amazing evening going to the beach, spending some time with God, writing in my journal, visiting a bit with a christian waitress I met before going to Hawaii who happened to be from the area I was traveling to. I had given her some christian hawaiian music before the trip and she was praying for our team so I got to share about the trip and show her a few pictures Ihad on my phone.
before and after going to her restaurant (which sits on the end of a pier) I had amazing encounters and time with my God. It was an amazing night that was not marred by simmering bitterness towards X or Mr. X.
Father's Day It was just a great day. Before going to church a got a call from a guy who is struggling with alcohol. I "loved him" over the phone but spoke to him firmly (tough love) becasue he knows what he needs to do.
I picked up my kids, went to church, went to breakfast afterwards with my sister and one of her sons. Later, I went to my parents with the kids and my sister showed up with all three of her kids (cousins my children grew up with as my parents would watch them after school for 10 plus years). My only blood brother also showed up. Of course we all watched the Laker game later at night.
Final Thought
There are a lot of posts on my thread over the last few days because it is important to me to record some of the amazing things that are happening at this time in my life.
Two years ago Sunday (6/15), I unexpectedly lost my job, a month later my wife moved out of the house with my kids and in the ensuing days and weeks, it became evident that her friend from work was her boyfriend which had been in the development for at least 9 plus months.
6/15/08 winds up being another in a string of mind blowing days of seeing God work in my life and in the increasing sphere of influence I have in my church, at work and amongst people I meet. (I have friends people I have met on my trips that I am staying connected with and praying for in Romania, Indiana, Mexico, Fiji, Hawaii and, in 5 months, Spain). This does not even include a host of imaginary friends in cyber space (and you know who you are )
I REITTERATE IT IS NOT ME BUT GOD WORKING THROUGH ME.
Way too many good things happening to even attempt to record them here or in my personal journal but I manage to get some of them down in my threads and I put them there to remind myself of where I have come from and to encourage me in the future if and when I should get down, that and to encourage others.
Bethie, I had a great weekend, really great! (umm but why you have to go pick on jill, she is pure as the driven snow, well at least for a "tart" she is )
Karen, bless you! Yes, pretty darn cool weekend and the Laker win was the cherry on top. (Tuesday will be very, very tough but I still believe anything is possible. Probable, no but possible yes and I do still believe, even against the probability of it happening).
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
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