ms ladybug SQUISHED!

[ms ladybug]

Well, I backslid today. I was talking to h about Fathers Day. Last week, he told me to make plans. So, I told him I was thinking about lunch with him and his parents. I asked what he thought, and he said, "I guess. This is just a little weird. You're acting like everythings OK, when it's not."
I said, " I know everythings not OK, but for Father's Day, I'd like the kids to be able to spend time with you."
He said, "Just make the plans and let me know what they are."

When I got off the phone with him, I was feeling really bad, and I sent him the following text "I know it doesn't mean anything to you anymore, but I still love you." I guess that wasn't the smartest thing to send.
His reply, was a text back "STOP IT". I fell apart.

I waited a couple hours and after making the reservations for Sunday, I send the text "Tokyo Steakhouse @ 1:30. Sorry about my previous text, I just got sad and sappy."


It's been such a hard day for me. I don't know why. I guess because d4 passed another level in swimming lessons, and h wasn't there to see it. I got a pedicure and an hour long full body massage today, and all I could think about was how I had no one to share it with.
I have no witness to my life and I miss my husband so much today.

He was very cold when he called to talk to the kids tonight. Very cold.

What's so wrong with telling my husband that I love him??
How do I act like I don't?

I'll see him tomorrow at his grandma's party. Now, I've made it all ackward.

I've really spent the entire day in tears.