I worry about those bottled up feelings - I know they are there but I have pushed them so far down in order to survive and be strong enough to do what I had to do last week and to continue to do what I have to do in the coming days and weeks. The day I sat in my car waiting for OW to leave his place, only 11 days ago but it feels more like a month ago, I did not cry, I was not angry, I was calm and cold and numb. And I sat and waited for 4 hours!! Thinking back, it's really quite unbelievable.
I feel that there is a dam holding it all back and one day, when I feel safe enough, the dam is going to give and it will all come rushing out.
Or maybe by using Jack's suggestion of heart to hearts will allow some of those pent up feelings to trickly out a bit at a time. All I know is that I have to keep reminding myself that the really hard stuff is yet to come. I even have moments when I ask myself if this is what I really want, and wouldn't it just be easier to walk away b/c I will be spending the rest of my life trying to heal? I guess I just want to be honest w/ myself and face the future with my eyes wide open.
FA
What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
FA:43, H:42 D:7 M:10 yrs, T:24 yrs EA:?, PA:1/06 S:3/07 EA/PA ongoing Aborted attempt to move home 07/08
