I fell into the category of someone who took their spouse for granted. Thought I could just dump any of my frustrations out on him and he'd always be there. Thought that there was never anything you couldn't explain away. That's so not true. They should issue Michelle's book to newly married couples so they don't have to learn the hard way.
What I wouldn't do to go back to the times before and tell my H all the things I felt about him that I thought were obvious. What I wouldn't do to go back in time and explain the miscommunications. What I wouldn't give just to feel totally comfortable with him, even for a short time.
This weekend my D stayed with my parents. I hoped that would mean that H and I could do something together. When I suggested the drive-in, he said maybe a movie. When I said maybe the early show, he said maybe we could paint. We did neither. H mowed the lawn while I made dinner then we went to Home Depot. On Saturday we ran errands. It was nice to be with him at least. My parents brought D back and stayed for dinner. It was comfortable. Sometimes I think I feel uncomfortable because I usually tell my parents everything.
They shared too much of my misery and still love my H, have never said a bad thing about him. Wanted to help him, but didn't know how to reach out. I think I feel uncomfortable when we're all together right now because there's this nagging what to do if things don't work out feeling. I don't think my parents could handle anymore. There really isn't anyone I can tell about this but the bb.
I guess H isn't ready to have some fun with me. I just need to go on my own then and make sure I fill my life with things I enjoy. Spending time with H I enjoy, even when it's just hanging out or running errands. Right now it just feels like I'm always looking for something to let me know if things will work out or not.
