Jethro, KAW and DoRight thanks for stopping by I'll visit you guys tonight.
What am I doing for myself? Well I've made lists of things I plan to do. I need to have more FUN for starters. I restarted the Atkins diet, am quiting smoking, and trying to kick start my erradict exercise routine. We are in the process of painting our new house. But that's not enough.
I need to do things I want to do. H can come along if he wants but if not I'll go or plan something with my D. I want to go camping, kyacking, and fishing with my Dad. I don't want to miss out on anymore life. Just need to get off my butt and make it happen. I've had so many changes that it's felt good to hold still a little, but no more excuses. My good thing for today is that I don't have any bad thing for today. Sort of positive I guess.
Last night H, my Mom and I watched The Piano. Naked Harvey Kitel and Holly Hunter rolling around brought me visions of H and OW. Hurt a little, okay hurt a lot. No use lying to you guys about it. Thinking about them together hurts ALOT and reminding me of what's missing hurts too. Not just the SF part, but the good affection stuff that's even better. Sure hope it's like riding a bike, I'm embarrased to say it's been a year. Why do I keep pushing on a bruise I know still hurts?
Jethro you're right I don't think H has a clue, and sometimes I fear he never will. He is the sensitive type though believe it or not. Our MC wanted to know if he had suicide in his family cause MC feared this would all hit him someday.
I often think my H thinks that no matter what I will always be here. That I will always be an option no matter what he does. That makes him sound arrogant but he's not. It would be hard for me to tell you about him.
KAW I'm glad my story did something good. It's so hard when you're close to the situation to see the good sometimes.
DoRight you speak so kindly I hope your wife can see that someday.
I know this takes as long as it takes, which is always longer than you think. When does the 2 year recovery clock start ticking anyway? I know I need to be patient but I'm feeling like a brat. Sometimes this path sucks.
My kingdom for a good trail map or knowledgeable Sherpa. That's right I found that. Can't tell you guys how good it feels not to be alone.
