Thanks LL and DoRight for stopping by. LL I've kept up with your story and know exactly how you feel when you say how easy it would be to become a WAW, and how hard it would be to resist an EA of some kind or at least an inappropriate friendship. But resistance isn't futile, at least I hope not. Ask me tomorrow though and I may be willing to hug the mailman. DoRight part of your message was part of our wedding vows which brought me tears.

I read my first post and thought wow it wasn't that bad. I stripped down the details and it even looks bleaker than real life, but that's the gist of what happened. Boy at sometimes it sure felt bad.

I do feel lucky in some ways. My H never lied. Told me lots of things I didn't want to hear though. H told me he was having feelings before he confessed to OW. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't fly off the handle, ask him for his ring, pack up/move out, and pressure the heck out of him would it have turned out the way it did. Another question with no answer.

After rereading it sounded like I was giving up. I'm not, just need to figure out how not to get dragged down. I'm lucky. My H came back after a 3.5 month separation. We talk and are nice to each other. We take care of household things together. Commute to work together. It is better than the beginning.

The conversations have gone from no hope, IDNLY and never did, to H saying all things pass in time hopefully this will too, someday I hope things will come more naturally between us. H admitted he's depressed, thanked me for putting up with him. On the days these things happened I thought it was HUGE. They are at least baby steps. Right? I need to know it's not wishful thinking.

The lonliness gets overwhelming sometimes. My brain freaks me out sometimes. H tells me where he's going so I know he's not sneaking out with OW, but he works next to her everyday. No contact is not an option. H balks when I say I need her out of my life. H doesn't seem to understand how I feel when he drops me at the office door and I feel like I turn him over to OW for the day. How I know some of her stuff is in our house, hanging in my closet. TM are still on his cell phone, OWs numbers are still programmed, who knows what's on the computer, he still has photo in his briefcase. These things I can't control.

H says he's trying his best. I think he's thinking about it and I told him that. I don't need guilt from him. But since he feels guilty about OW I wonder why not feel guilty about me or D.

Maybe he's in MLC. In the beginning he seemed to question everything about his life. What is happiness etc. I was the only thing he could undo. Or maybe it's true he never did love me. More questions with no answers.

I'll stop by your threads and see what's going on. I felt weird about posting but it feels good. Maybe I need to come up with 3 good things a day like LL and SAM.

Thanks for the warm welcome. H is probably right I need to chill out.

I can hardly believe the details of their EA/PA don't haunt my every waking thought. They still come but only when I push on the bruise to see if it still hurts. I asked enough questions, but decided I didn't need every detail.