rjj,

thanks for stopping by...I too wish my h could talk some sense into your h but just as it took my h to come to his own senses (he didn't want to listen to even the most sensible (in his eyes) of people) yours too will have to come to his or eventually pay the ultimate price...the loss of his family...one day it will matter to him.


so back to my and my possitives...

had a kinda weird day...drove son to see his doctor about a small moveable bump on the back of his neck...I didn't think it was much to worry about but daddy wanted the reasurance so off I went to the doc's office with the two kiddos...and of course it was nothing to worry about...a swollen lymph node probably caused by a bug bite on his head...forgot my cell phone and h had wanted me to call him as soon as we knew what was up with the bump...on the way home stopped by h's office on the off chance that he may be there...he wasn't...was tempted to drive by ow's house...half way there...realized that would be a waist of time...h wouldn't be there anyway (positive thinking)...so took the kids for pizza...and then off to the pool supply store to have the water in the pool analyzed so they could teach me what the heck to do to get it ready for swimming. needed to go to yet another store for some other household stuff but was too pooped and the kids were pooped so home we came with a quick pit stop to buy milk (and some people think at home moms sit and watch soap operas all day ) talked to h about the bump..he was relaxed having heard from the doc (you see he tried to call me but couldn't reach me so called the doc himself to find out the scoop) told him I was wiped...didn't know what I'd make for dinner..he said just get a pizza...oh no me I start a choppin and a mixing...making homemade chili..am I nuts..I just wanna sit down...(well I suppose this is my break) still have to read three chapters for my emt class tommorow night! UGH!

took a minute to look outside at the pool (it really isn't a "real" pool..it's one of those "easy set" pools..they're pretty cool if you can't yet afford a "real" pool. h really doesn't slack on anything...most people would just find a level enough area, lay down the tarp and fill the thing up and there ya go..no..not my h..he made the area perfectly level (yes he used a line level) build a rock retaining wall for the side that needed one...cut the excess liner...covered the area with stone dust...layed more rock purely decorative forming a circle around the whole pool...it really looks awesome!!

so in admiring my h's work...thinking about how he said just order pizza when I said I was tired...I'm realizing I'm pretty damn lucky!! I wish I knew what this lacking feeling I have was though...do I really want sex, or do I just want to know that h finds me attractive...do I really want to go out and explore the world with h, or am I happy to cuddle on the couch with him...do I really want ... or am I happy...

I think I'm pretty happy...just need to stop looking over my sholder for the next bomb to drop....

LL