Guilty as charged.. I am a WAW.

[Bridgestone]

Hi,
Finally a beautiful day here with sunshine, not rain clouds. I am headed out this afternoon with a GF to check out the flood damage.

I am feeling badly today as I was in a foul mood yesterday and said some hurtful things to H. I need to apologize for them, something I am terrible at.

I know this goes back to family of origin issues.

Logically understading my actions (or in this case inaction), does nothing (or very little) to stop the flood of negative emotions associated with shame and low-self esteem when I apologize & admit my actions were wrong.

I know what I would like for him to do when I apologize, things I think, would make it easier for me to ask for forgiveness in the future.

but based on past experiences with him when I open up & share, become vulnerable,it frequently comes back to bite me in the a$$.

He uses my shared desires, needs, feelings in a fight.. making fun of them, linking them to other failures, etc.

So I anticipate that if I share what I need from him when I apologize, he will use it against me at a later date. This freezes me, keeps me from sharing, being emotionally connected with him. And neither of us gets what we need.

ugg..