Remember that whatever happens today is nOT necessarily permanent, okay? You have a tendency to black-or-white thinking. But today may very well just be a "gray" decision.
Even in a worst case scenario, if the judge gives your crazy abusive H primary custody, your D still NEEDS you as much as you can see her. You need to stay where you can have as much contact with her as possible, and custody decisions can be changed (believe me, your H will show his true colors over time, eventually the courts will see it if they don't see it now).
Be strong for your daughter.
And stop beating yourself up, okay? It's normal for a mom with a career to be a little ambivalent about motherhood. My BF is a singer/songwriter - she had a child late in life, and is still trying to figure out how to squeeze her music into her life (how do you tour with a 6 year old?????).
This doesn't make you a bad mom. Your H was a bad husband, and his mom is a pushy broad. The best way you can advocate for your D is to get strong yourself, stick to the high road, and be the picture of calm in that courtroom - DON'T LET H PUSH YOUR BUTTONS!!! Be PROactive, not REactive.
