you are one of the good guys Jeff, I'm pretty sure that in the future you will be able to forgive her, just not right now, the whole thing is too recent, I know it took all my might to erase the mental picts off my head (i broke into stbx emails and found picts of her, I mean, nothing was left to the imagination, and then got to read some explicit emails, ish!) but it was done, I overcame my mind and the intrusive thoughts.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I have never posted this, my W is scared. I told my W to make sure I never find OM, because if I do, I will go after him with a vengeance. She says its not his fault and I told her whatever, its dosen't matter, I would never hurt her (I would never touch any woman) but I can definitely go after a guy fooling around with a married woman, especially if its my W, the girl I love.
Jeff, I feel the same way about the OW! If I ever see her again, I will probably get arrested for assault & battery. She was a friend, whose D14 went to preschool with my S14 for 3 years too, and then started working with my H about 2 years ago. I know she's messed-up, cheating on her 2nd husband like she is, but still...I hope she stays away from me! (I'm ordinarily a mild person who's never been in a fight, but I think that would be my first fight.) Karen
Jeff, you can hear it in your posts. Your anger when you deal with her. If it continues, it will eventually become bitterness. I also believe that you need to search for forgiveness. It is the Christian thing to do.
And you do it for yourself. Not for her. If she WANTS to be forgiven some day, then it will become full circle.
Found this a long time ago:
Forgiveness
Based on Philosophical, Traditional (Hebrew, Christian, Islamic, Confucian, and Buddhist traditions, among others), Psychological and Developmental principles. Gleaned from a large survey of readings, professional dialogue, and stories of forgiveness written by volunteers.
1. What it is:
Moral
It is a response to an injustice (a moral wrong). It is a turning to the "good" in the face of this wrongdoing.
Goodwill
Merciful restraint from pursuing resentment or revenge. Generosity or offering good things such as: attention, time, remembrances on holidays. Moral Love or contributing to the betterment of the other.
Paradoxical
It is the foregoing of resentment or revenge when the wrongdoer's actions deserve it and giving the gifts of mercy, generosity and love when the wrongdoer does not deserve them. As we give the gift of forgiveness we ourselves are healed. Beyond duty A freely chosen gift (rather than a grim obligation). The overcoming of wrongdoing with good.
2. What it is not:
Forgetting/Denial Time passing/ignoring the effects of the wrongdoing.
Condoning Nothing that bad happened. It was only this one time. It won't happen again.
Excusing The person did this because.....it wasn't really their responsibility.
Condemning She/he deserves to know they have wronged me. "Forgiving" with a sense of moral superiority.
Seeking Justice or Compensation Forgiveness is not a quid pro quo deal--it doesn't demand compensation first.
3. Important Distinction:
Forgiveness: One person's moral response to another's injustice Reconciliation: Two parties coming together in mutual respect
Just wanted you to put some thought into it.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Jeff, you can hear it in your posts. Your anger when you deal with her. If it continues, it will eventually become bitterness. I also believe that you need to search for forgiveness. It is the Christian thing to do.
And you do it for yourself. Not for her. If she WANTS to be forgiven some day, then it will become full circle.
H4H, glad I gave you a laugh! I agree with the idea that you should work on forgiveness, b/c it is for you. For a while after I had this awful nightmare boss (he was a yeller and would say bad things about all his employees kind of guy) and I was just hurting myself by staying angry at the guy. But it took me a couple months to get over it, I moved on to a new job where everyone was really nice, etc, and I felt a relief when I let the upset go. I think sometimes it just takes time and a little distance, although it's good to be aware that forgiveness is for you. Karen
SDFoundGirl: 5/2008: Things are good...really, really good. I'm glad things are working out for you, from what I have read of your post it looks very positive, good luck, and you are always welcome to stop in my crazy world and say high.
Karen43: I hope she stays away from me! (I'm ordinarily a mild person who's never been in a fight, but I think that would be my first fight.) I'm very easy going and laid back person also. Not much gets me upset. I'm trying to keep the monster locked up inside of me. The monster got out several times over the last six months (beer seems to hold the key to the monsters cage). It's getting easier to keep the monster locked up (monster = rage )
Karen43 Ooh, me too! 100% German so I'm really stubborn! Maybe that's why we like to stick with our marriages & never let go??? Keep posting here karen you put a smile on my face
The problem I have is I have to see the W everyday, this morning she followed me to the front door as I was leaving for work. I just closed the door on her and kept walking to my car. I don't want to see her, I don't want to hear her voice, I don't want to think of her. When the kids are in school fulltime, I won't have to she her as often, I know I'll still have to deal with her when she picks up the kids or shows up at a soccer game etc.
They say time heals all wounds, I hope that is true, I know I'll still be pissed off a year from now because I'll be right in the middle of preparing for the big "D". Maybe in two years from now I'll feel different, wow I'm going to be here for a long time.
FYI: W's mom popped in on her yesterday at the house, W and kids were heading up to the pool so she didn't get to stay long, but if she got inside the house she had to notice that the furniture was gone, I wonder if W told her mother another lie ??
Cat03, puppy, H4H, kat727, Sara, lwb, cbk, germ, whatdidido, karen and everyone else, thanks, I truly appreciate your input, you guys are helping me keep the monster in the cage
Well "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" I hear whistling in my head. I'll find love again someday. I'm going to be happy, helpful, forgiving, patient and loving. I'm a stubborn old German.
We all have a long haul ahead of us, good or bad it's the path we choose in life that's important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
well, time doesn't heal all wounds, we do it (time gives us time to cool off if we agree to let go of the anger, agree to let go doesn't mean it is an instant thing, it is a process.
And if I don't log in during the weekend... HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!! you are a great dad, have a great weekend)))))))
Quote:
I'll feel different, wow I'm going to be here for a long time.
and that's ok.
It is a wound, we can put all sorts of salves and take meds to make it feel better, but it will throb and burn for a while... later on, if we stop picking at the scab, it will heal nicely...
Last edited by cat03; 06/13/0807:21 PM.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
First I would like to wish every fathers here a happy fathers day
W just told me that she will not be stopping by tomorrow.
I kinda thought she would come by to help with the kids and give me some free time this weekend, I had D6 with me today while she was at the pool with the other 3 kids. D6 is sick so not much I can do other than work around the house.
I going to take kids to church, early, then boy scouts are having breakfast up in the parish cafateria, so I'll take kids there to eat, then we will come back home to open my cards. We'll get ready for the pool and about 11:00 I'll call my father-in-law and see if I can stop by with the kids, we have a present for him.
I asked W if she was taking the kids over there or what was going on, she said she didn't know what she was doing, she said she tried to reach out to her father over and over and he never wants anything to do with her. That he doesn't want anything to do with his grandchildren. This is true, he is very self centered, always has been but I have to pay my respects anyway.
W's mom knows she left me and the kids, W told her mom that she couldn't talk about it. Through the grapevine, I heard W's mom knows it wasn't my fault that W left me.
Going to be a little tricky over at in-laws house. I don't want to say anything, if they ask I'll tell them that W left me and the kids and that they really need to talk to W about it because I don't want to get in the middle of them and W
cannot wait till end of summer, so I don't have to see W that much. Right now little stuff keeps disapearing and it upsets me. A bottle of wine was gone yesterday, took the wicker deck furniture today and watering can.
Well "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" I hear whistling in my head. I'll find love again someday. I'm going to be happy, helpful, forgiving, patient and loving. I'm a stubborn old German.
We all have a long haul ahead of us, good or bad it's the path we choose in life that's important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
I agree with the idea that you should work on forgiveness, b/c it is for you. For a while after I had this awful nightmare boss (he was a yeller and would say bad things about all his employees kind of guy) and I was just hurting myself by staying angry at the guy. But it took me a couple months to get over it, I moved on to a new job where everyone was really nice, etc, and I felt a relief when I let the upset go. I think sometimes it just takes time and a little distance, although it's good to be aware that forgiveness is for you. Karen
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