Forgiveness is not for your W, it's for you. It's a part of letting go, of detaching. Will it be difficult? Absolutely. My H was in an EA, and it took me probably a good year plus to let go of it. My aunt's husband shacked up with another woman like 30 years ago, and it took her a looong time to let go of the hurt...they reconciled and have done a whole lot of work since then.
It doesn't mean you forget, and it doesn't even mean you renew a relationship with them. What you do is let go of the anger and hurt and understand that by holding on to those things, you are only hurting yourself.
Anger feels better than powerlessness and depression. It's a step up on the emotional scale. However, one day you may be tired of holding on to that anger and revenge, and you'll be ready to forgive.
It doesn't hurt her; it only hurts you. We forgive for ourselves, because if we don't, we never move on. Any future relationship you might have will be tainted by the anger you have for this one right now until you forgive.
For me, letting go of my anger, sorrow, and fear was the key to building a new M with my H.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
