Given the strong emotional attachment of the affair ("in love"), I think you can expect hard withdrawal for 2-4 weeks, and total withdrawal may take as much as 6-9 months. And that is IF there is no further contact with him whatsoever, which -- given her history of waffling back and forth between the two of you -- is hardly a given.
Personally, I would insist on a very strong "no-contact/transparency" plan if I were to accept this woman back, considing her wayward history. Without 100% no-contact, I have a strong feeling that she will only repeat her back-and-forth moves between the two of you. If she waffles on that, I would tell her that you have no other reasonable reaction other than to consider her still to be in contact with the OM, and I would go completely dark on her since you have no kids.
Can you tell us more about your own behavior, which -- as you said -- you felt made her "right" in leaving you to begin with?
Thanks. I do admire your strong stand on the "this will mean no contact forever between us if we divorce."
