Impossible situation??

[happycamper]

Dear Bagheera

thanks so much for your reply. I appreciate your frankness about your own situation and it is brave to share it here, let alone for someone else's benefit. I have looked at the ASCA website and have looked at the manual. I did wonder if I should just email H the link but I think at the moment any 'advice' I give him is automatically dismissed. Maybe I'll just read it myself. I think it has spoken to me in as much as I didn't realise how much his abuse could still be effecting him and us today. He has never told his parents, and only told me 7 years ago. I have to say my reaction was appalling - I have since apologised. I was depressed at the time and... you know, I can't even bring myself to write it. It was a very selfish reaction.

It seems to me that his Christian conversion was a real effort on his part to change past dangerous behaviors and settle down into a 'normal' life -- he deserves a lot of credit for that effort. Unfortunately, it didn't work out the way either of you wanted, and he's probably feeling pretty 'burned' by the results of his efforts. That said, YOU have made a tremendous effort to change your own sexuality for the benefit of both of you, and you deserve to be commended for it. Is there any chance that he might be convinced to put forth a similar effort to address his own serious issues?

You obviously have read my thread very thoroughly and for that I am grateful. You really have summed it up very well indeed. I'm not sure that he realises that he has serious issues - well he knows there are things in him that are not healthy but I think he considers them just part of him rather than something that needs to be addressed.

I was very impressed on the thread about what happens when one wants to work on the R and the other doesn't, about seeing Cs separately to enable each spouse to talk openly. For this reason I have suggested that he take our next appt (not until July though) so he is able to talk without fear of what I might have to say in response. Maybe it might come up there.

Felt really listened to Bagheera. Thanks again.