been thinking of you, got your phone messages but haven't had the opportuninty to call you back yet, hope you are doing ok...as soon as I can get dd to take her nap I'll give you a ring.
Quote: As for checking out ISMH.com, maybe he's as anxious as you for it to sell. Get rid of the monkey on his back. Also, could be admiring his landscaping! (I checked it out also and the landscaping is awesome!) I know it was shallow but I was curious.
hmmmm??? how do you know what house it is?? I assume maybe just maybe he was looking at the landscaping, he was always proud of that job...I recall many many years ago when he did the initial instiallation of the landscaping he drove me by to show it to me...he used to do that kinda thing alot before kiddos...drive around and show me his work.
I know he is anxious to have her gone...I wonder if that is so that the threat is gone...or so that the urge to stop by cannot be given into?? I just wish I knew if he still thought of her "that way" or not anymore.
Quote: You know that you controol that wall. When you are ready it will come down. I'm sure that H's words chipped away at it.
I know that wall is mine and mine alone to deal with...thing is I think that wall in some way or anther has always been there...sure I can kid myself and say that I've always been open and expressed myself with h...but have I ever fully allowed myself to trust and truly love him??? I think I have always been afraid to let my gaurd down and have always been prepared to be hurt by anyone including him...sort of self defeating in a way though isn't it..now that I'm aware that I put up that wall...what h has done is making it hard for me to let it down.
Quote: (I checked it out also and the landscaping is awesome!)
yes!! h is awesome at what he does!! and that wasn't even a great piece of property...ours has a lot more to offer...I can't even imagine what this place will look like ten years from now.
when h said he was happy...it was after asking me if I was happy...I replied that my happines is not what's in question...he again asked if I was happy...I said yes but that I'm also afraid....asked if he was happy...he said yes I'm happy...tired..but happy.
so we are both tired...we are both happy...we both love eachother..we both want this to work..we both want to feel free to love the other...we both want to feel loved by the other...
I think in time things will be just fine..if I can stop being afraid.
