Trying Hard to Detach

[summerd]

I would love to stay married and keep my family together but that would mean that she would have to end the A and cancel the D in the next 90-120 days.

Eagle -
My piano teacher (another one of my GAL hobbies) recently told me to take everything I was playing and slow it WAAAAYYY down. I've learned to do that with aspects of my life, too, and it has been so helpful.

First off - lots - I mean LOTS can happen in three to six months. We are a society who always feels we MUST respond. Don't get me wrong - I'm not advocating that you hand your wife the kitchen sink and your kids. It's important to be prepared legally and understand your rights. But if what you wrote is what you believe in your heart - that you would love to stay married and keep your family together - what's stopping you? Her filing? An affair? These things seem so huge right now but in the scheme of our lives they're just papers and mistakes.

I disagree with you that she has to end the affair for you to keep your family together. Eventually, yes. Right now, no. She's not going to end the affair now - she thinks she's found love. But that love isn't real. The love you and your kids give her is real. If she's worth being with (which I suspect she is or you wouldn't have married her) she'll discover this ON HER CLOCK.
Not fair, just is.

If what you really want is keep your family together, then there's hope. Why not respond to everything she suggests about the divorce with something simple and KIND like: whatever you think is best - I just want you to be happy and if this is what will make you happy, then you must be doing the right thing.

No one wants to divorce a person who is so sweet and kind.
This will kill you inside - but it might save your family.
Just depends on what you want and how badly.

Prayer works, I'm convinced. I'll say some for you and your kids. No matter what - you deserve good things, happiness and love. Find ways to get it from others right now. You won't get it from your wife... but I hope you do eventually!