No problem TK.... there is lots that can be learned from those that have gone before us.
Hill makes a good suggestion in that we should be cautious not to put our expectations of happiness in the behaviour of others. This is a trap I fell into and felt hurt big time.
Also, the thing you mention about the dumper reading only what they want to read/hear. That is so true. Their filters are on full strength for many reasons.... they may not even realize them all. They are looking for excuses to treat the person they are dumping in the hurtful way that they are.
They are probably rationalizing at all levels.... conscious and sub conscious alike. I know everyone recognizes my XW doing it constantly and conspicuously. The more she runs from the truth, the more her behaviours yell of the truth. The extreme overstatements of denial.
All of this to prove she did not need me. Prove it to herself anyway. I used to put so much stock in how she treated me and behaved. It was not until I was free (for the most part) of her actions that I was free to begin to be happy again. It was a long process and I sought help on many levels.
In a way, my substance abuse was a blessing in disguise because of the tremendous support we seek to deal with our substance problem... ends up helping us with our underlying life problems. And our program involves "rigorous honesty". Which leaves little to no wiggle room for bs thinking and behaviour to take hold.
Anyway... glad you are getting something out of these dialogues. I know I do and particularly when my sitch was more recent.
