having a tough time of it the past few days...actually cried a bit today...
I don't know exactly what it is I feel...
despair?? hurt?? humiliation??
I knew h was who he was...but I trusted him...I believed he was an honest man...
I don't trust h anymore...I really don't and at this point I have no reason to...h has not given me reason to believe what he says or does...it has gotten to a point where if he can lie to me about this woman he can lie to me about anything at all...I barely trust that he's put the bag of toy's into donation rather than into the trash...
I don't know...I'm just sad and confused and lonely...I don't know what to do with these feelings other than go off and do something for myself (which mind you I cannot do until the kids go to bed) but is that really the answer here??
I don't know....I just don't know...I feel positive movement and then I feel stagnant or worse back tracking.
I can easily go out (once the kids are in bed) and do something for myself...feel alive...but then I return to this sleepy place.
it has been a long time since I've felt awake and alive...I feel it in spurts here and there but for the most part I have been walking around in a fog...I don't like it...I try to shake it...
three positives (sorry they wont include h)
1. I am lucky enough to stay at home with my children who are happy and healthy.
2. I passed the cpr upgrade (the practical anyway and assume the written as well but those results will be a week or so)
3. one day when my life was upside down a friend handed me a copy of db and said look at this..without it I would be more confused than I am right now.
