and anyone else who looks in , thanks for the support and kind words. I have been feeling quite good since I posted last time. Not too much has happened and contact with W has been reasonably limited. She was here as usual on saturday , had dinner with us , I can remember if she stayed and watched a movie or not , could have. I think the depression I went through the other week was just another stage of letting go. I think we all go through these in our own way. The result has been that I think about her a lot less than I did. I am certainly quite happy most of the time. A big lesson in this is the need to be happy with ones self and without the need for a partner. That doesnt mean that I want to be single for ever , but if thats what ends up being the result of this I can still lead an enjoyable life. In saying all that it seems that for W its not all over but I have seen no real action in either direction. I dont feel too inclined to put a lot of effort in myself at present so we will just see how it goes for now. The doors not firmly closed though , I have a lot of warm memories of W as well. The big thing for me is if I can swing it a trip to the USA for Bonneville speed week . I have the $ just need to see if I can organise it with a couple of friends who are going over. This will give me something to look forward too.
Things are very much just ploding along right now. W has been remarkably like her old self at times . Was here most of Sunday afternoon and I invited her for dinner yesterday as it was her birthday. She enjoyed it , the Kids enjoyed it and I even enjoyed it. I have been around long enough to know its not going to change anything soon and I have accepted that its likely that we may never get back together.
The US trip is looking like 100% certain , there will be 4 of us Guys we will fly into San Francisco , hire a Van and take 2 or 3 days to get to Wendover then we are heading to Missouri for a swap meet AT The Ozark Empire showgrounds and the H.a.m.b DRAGS in or near Joplin. From there its down to Dallas and then back to LA where we fly back out. Going to be one hell of a road trip , but realy looking forward to it.
I just wanted to get this written down as it is a change and I am not sure what is behind it. W had been quite withdrawn from me , then last Weekend we went to a musical event that S17 was in . As we got there early we had time to talk. I told her about going out with a friend ( female ) to a function a couple of nights before and how a guy at the function had asked me if me and friend were partners. I told him no we just buddies , this guy then proceeded to be over friendly to both of us and got enough info to start stalking my friend by phone. I ended up phoning him and warning him off. That’s the short story. Since then ( and the change was instant after the conversation) W has been nowhere near as distant and I would be only guessing as to why. She was at home on Sunday afternoon , and has been home when I arrived home from work for last couple of days. Normally she picks up D and is gone before I arrive. Sunday when she was home she was working on an old hobbie of hers that she has not been interested in for last year or two. She is as thoughtful and friendly towards me right now as I remember at any time through this. She had also a week or so back stopped kissing me when she left , now she is back to a solid kiss on the lips and hug. I can think of a couple of possibilities such as. 1. Her best FF saw me and my FF out a couple of weeks ago and is very unlikely not to have told W , W has been upset by this and that caused her to pull away. Me bringing up that we have been out and are not romantically linked in a round about way has been some relief to W who is also aware that there may be other women interested so has decided to real me back in a little . 2. W is indeed seeing another Man ( which was the case a month or so back) and me seeing FF takes away some of the Guilt pressure she was feeling . So down the track if she does bring OM out of the closet she can point finger at me and say but you have been going out with blab la. Not knowing of course that I know that she has been out with xxxx. Previously she has not been amused by me going out with FF. I can only but wonder but of going out with OW improves things then its WIN WIN ..LOL Somehow I don’t think its that simple , and as usual for me its business as usual , I am not changing anything , Just working on being as confident as possible both around W and Other women. One of the things that really takes a bashing when your partner wants out is confidence , particular in regards to self image. Its even worse when they are involved with OM/OW and have an appearance of confidence that is in part being propped up with this
Well, this is an interesting situation you find yourself in. Depending on how your wife is feeling / thinking, there could be many possibilities I suppose. It is encouraging that there seems to be a greater contact of late, more felt connection with her. I find it is a very confusing world to be in, this separation zone...the boundaries are not always clear around the edges.
I can really relate to what you are saying re: how hard it is to portray strength and confidence when you feel anything but that inside. I think it's good that you are out there in the world and doing some GAL activities, including enjoying the company of a female friend. How this impacts on W. is something to consider, but then if you don't really know the impact on her, it is only a good guess! I think continued observation and experimentation is a good way to go here, C_K.
thanks for your thoughts. I am actualy just getting on with life now , I dont have a lot of energy for observation and experimentation. how long does one wait ? I still have this fading desire to rebuild our R but its very wilted now. There are still very good reasons to do this but reality is it seems like the impossible dream. I am not going to change anything drastic , but I am no longer going to resist life going forward either .
L
Yes we will be travelling in your neck of the woods by the sounds of it .
I dont have a lot of energy for observation and experimentation. how long does one wait ? I still have this fading desire to rebuild our R but its very wilted now.
Easily understood in the land of LB.
Quote:
it seems like the impossible dream. I am not going to change anything drastic , but I am no longer going to resist life going forward either .
This is the point where it gets dangerous for us, although when you think about it, that's the point where the WAS jumped ship.
Good that you're not making any drastic moves, just living your life for you with no expectations.
It would be really nice to see you meet us over at Facebook.
To DB or not DB, that's the (group) answer.
Take Care
Sunny
PS)If you can't locate what you're trying to find, get a little Kalni Sunshine.
Not much news in my sitch , just more of the same. W comes and hangs out in the Weekend , we seem to have an enjoyable time and then she goes back to her world.
I did ask her out a couple of nights ago , she told me she already had plans but they were not firm , could she let me know later in the day I had planned to take her out. I said not to worry , we would catch up another time. She insisted on contacting me if her plans changed . So last night she tells me shes not going out with friends as it was too cold , and she was going to stay home. I said OK we will catch up another time. Then she said Why dont you bring takeaway around. So thats what I ended up doing and it was pleasant enough. Talked about the Kids and her work. She text me this morning and thanked me.
So that was interesting , I have to remember that it was not much over a year ago she would NOT agree to having dinner with me.
I have to be honest and say that my heart is not in this like it was but I will see if we can date a little and see where it heads.
