you want to know what it is that h was getting from ow....she thought his [censored] didn't stink...she thought he was the best...she thought he was wonderful...she thought he was a great guy...
gee it's funny that I thought all those things too....
h's feelings grew for her when she "went to bat for him" regarding a billing issue with the rest of the customers on the street...they were going to drop him but she called them up and convinced them not to...to that he felt indeted to her...they had a friendship...when she got sick he took more interest in her...was a support to her when her h was for some reason not...
for christ sake the woman made him a big poster...he did the job he was asked and paid to do...she made a big board with before and after photos and used those tacky sticker letters to write LL's h...get's it done right.
now let's see...
LL thought h was wonderful.. LL thought her h was better than any guy she had ever met.. LL loved her h.. LL adored her h.. LL actually physically worked her a$$ off helping h to build his business LL cooked and cleaned for h LL helped h get where he is today LL took care of h LL loved h LL just wanted a little love in return.
at this point I don't give a flying [censored] what happens...h can leave today...h can leave tommorow...I've never felt so alone as I do when I'm with h and that is how I have felt since long before I married him...sure things were wonderful for the first five years we were together..infact they were better than wonderful...then things went to crap and stayed there...why we married in the first place I don't know...seems now we are stuck together...h wont leave he already did and found he couldn't let me go...I wont leave because I don't want to put my children through the same crap I go through with my parents.
facts of the matter are...
Yes I know "that feeling" I knew "that feeling" was gone...I knew it...but I didn't want to accept that it couldn't be brought back...I wanted for us to spend time together doing fun things to bring "that feeling" back...but h was always too busy...or too tired...or too whatever...
I don't know how h feels but I don't think there is much if any of "that feeling" left in me for him.
the bit of "that feeling" that was there got a tad burnt out over the last year...
I want "that feeling" but I'm afraid it's gone and h doesn't have the desire to do what little it would take to bring it back.
peaceful coexistance is about it..sure from time to time we are friends...but h is not my friend...I am not h's friend...I don't even consider him my h...I don't consider myself his w...we are the parents of two beautiful children who are trying to get along and live life.
maybe something will come of it...maybe not.
h knows what it is I want...as far as I can tell all h wants is a little girl who thinks the world begins and ends with him..that he's a hero..that he's a knight in shining armor...that he's a saviour...well folks LL's not 16 anymore and she doesn't need any damn hero, she needs a friend.
