How are you doing? I think you need to eventually forgive your wife for the affair. If not you might become a bitter man and you dont' want that. Forgiveness is really a gift for yourself and not for the other person. I know I can forgive my husband. I could even learn to trust him again. But he never gave me that chance.
You are doing a great job. You have been at this for 12 days since she left. Keep up the work.
sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Hey Sara, karen and puppy thanks for checking in on me. Good night ladies and puppy
Sara, I'm sorry please don't think bad of me but here it is:
Forgivness is going to be hard for me, I will not be bitter, I will move on with my life and I'll be fine, happy and loving to my kids and everyone else. I will always forgive people and give them a second chance. However, what my W did crossed a line that is beyond my comprehension. I can handle the thought of some guy touching my wife.
I have never posted this, my W is scared. I told my W to make sure I never find OM, because if I do, I will go after him with a vengeance. She says its not his fault and I told her whatever, its dosen't matter, I would never hurt her (I would never touch any woman) but I can definitely go after a guy fooling around with a married woman, especially if its my W, the girl I love.
I have been hurt in the past, I have put up with a lot of crap in my life, I have always been forgiving and I have always looked for the positive in everything and in everyone. What my W did crossed a line in my book and there is nothing my W can do to get me to forgive her. The thought of OM touching my W is more than I can take, I will never get over this. This is the stubborn German in me.
Well "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" I hear whistling in my head. I'll find love again someday. I'm going to be happy, helpful, forgiving, patient and loving. I'm a stubborn old German.
We all have a long haul ahead of us, good or bad it's the path we choose in life that's important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 [b]Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Forgiveness is not for your W, it's for you. It's a part of letting go, of detaching. Will it be difficult? Absolutely. My H was in an EA, and it took me probably a good year plus to let go of it. My aunt's husband shacked up with another woman like 30 years ago, and it took her a looong time to let go of the hurt...they reconciled and have done a whole lot of work since then.
It doesn't mean you forget, and it doesn't even mean you renew a relationship with them. What you do is let go of the anger and hurt and understand that by holding on to those things, you are only hurting yourself.
Anger feels better than powerlessness and depression. It's a step up on the emotional scale. However, one day you may be tired of holding on to that anger and revenge, and you'll be ready to forgive.
It doesn't hurt her; it only hurts you. We forgive for ourselves, because if we don't, we never move on. Any future relationship you might have will be tainted by the anger you have for this one right now until you forgive.
For me, letting go of my anger, sorrow, and fear was the key to building a new M with my H.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
