Quoting lostlove: or perhaps h could enlighten me a tad on what it was that he was missing other than simply "that feeling" so that we can work toward making sure his needs are being met..cause as far as I can tell his needs were being met all along!! it was my needs that weren't being met...but for some reason or another h felt compelled to fulfill at least one of her needs and that is being her friend...supporting her when she was low...stopping what he was doing to go and give her a ride...stopping what he was doing to take the time to go and visit her..taking the time from what he was doing to go out to lunch with her..taking the time out of what he was doing to accept an invitation to go out to lunch with her...heck I can't even get h to commit to one night a week set aside for "us" time and this woman had "us" time with him three times a week??
Come on, you know what "that feeling" is. It's that feeling you get when someone loves you, is interested in you, wants to learn about you, appreciates all you do for them, is vunerable to you, and sometimes most important, would NEVER even think of stepping on any of the gifts of your time and presence to them.
H's needs weren't getting met all along. No way. He wouldn't have left if they were. Besides, you were a legless-WAW, how could you possibly have been giving H that loving feeling. I know I'd be kidding myself if I thought I was filling H's needs all along. H doesn't want to help you figure out how to meet his needs, at least that's what I'm getting. My H has the luxury of coming here and reading my rants and responding to them later. You don't get that window into H's mind, so you have to keep trying different things, maybe?
What if you could ask what H liked so much about OW and he could answer you knowing it wouldn't hurt your feelings? Is he safe when he talks? I mean, he's already hurt you so much, any more guilt would be almost unbearable, right? Why would he tell you anything about OW if it's gonna piss you off? Because you want him too? No way. Sorry, it wont happen.
I better just stop venting now cause I know you'll all start accussing me of becoming a waw...funny thing is I have been a waw all along...I just wasn't the one to walk...I was still trying...still struggling to make it work...still holding on to that last shred of hope til the day that shred of hope got thrown away...
tell me again why I should hold on...tell me again why it is that I let h come home...tell me again what it is that I should be happy about in this r with h?? cause right now I feel lonely and sad and like it really wouldn't matter much if he were to leave.
you know why... you want your H, you want your kids to have their dad even if he ain't home, you want success, you don't want to lose. it's okay to want these things, ll, it's okay. at some point, if the sitch becomes something you really don't want, then you'll leave, right? don't worry about that today. worry about you, worry about H ~ try to show him how concerned you are about his blues, and how manly he is, and how grateful you are to him for trying
