focussing on the good stuff!!

[sage]

I am afraid to be me around him as I don't know what the hell he wants.

LL

LL --

Is the dilemma for you that you see how h. is with you now, how he was pre-A and how you THINK he was during the A. to ow and wonder what he's capable of giving in a r? Like, the way you imagine he was with ow might be sort of what you want from him (a bit?) but you don't know if he can be that way with you? (I may be projecting a bit here ... so don't mind me). Also, it sounds like sometimes you see glimpses of what you want from h but aren't sure how to get it to come out more fully?

Why do you think you can't be you around him? I struggle with thinking that if I'm ME, well, isn't that WHO he had the a. ON? therefore, if I'm ME, he'll have another one...and if I'm NOT ME I'll lose my mind...sometimes I have a flash of brilliance and think "he had the a. because of his own S*&T and some of my stuff too but it's not because of the ESSENCE of ME" and then I feel better about relaxing for a little while.

What if you let a little of YOU out at a time???

And what if you tried to figure out what brings the HIM out that you love so much?

Pretty early on I realized that one thing that may have drawn h. to the ow was that she let him love her...so, it wasn't my personality or habits or whatever that might have turned him off...but my uncomfortableness at being loved...'course, I'm still working on that one, no?

Sage