Don't know if it is pride--I think, like ot said, surprised that it finally happened. Thank you for all of the support.
Visited with my friend down the block today. x had stopped by for a moment Wed with the kids while on the way to his house. He couldn't talk much because the kids were in the car.
She asked how it went, and he said, it went. She said he seemed to be very strained, not himself. He also said he is going to stay in the apt month-to-month if he can. And that he wasn't going to bring CW to his brother's wedding in Sept--he "couldn't do that to his family." He mentioned that he would like to continue a 7/4 traditional party that we have long-held with friends and family. She wondered about that with me--who would actually go, especially if CW shows up? I said I had no idea, but since the fireworks are on one of my nights, I'd probably have other plans with the kids, anyway.
She told me that, just before the divorce, she asked him if he really realized what he had chosen. Besides all the other issues and baggage, this woman had come up to me, asking if there was any way she could help save the marriage, all while she was already in the affair--what kind of person is that? He wouldn't answer.
She is another one who said, just let them live it for awhile. He has to come to regret this--everyone asks, WHAT is he thinking?! Leaving his wife and family, for THAT? Can we all be crazy? NO ONE gets it, no one sees it.
But I get it now that he has his own Higher Power, and his own lessons to learn. I have mine, and am working hard on them. He has to deal with himself. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. I feel like I washed my hands of it.....THIS, is finally letting go. Do I still love him? I think I love who he was....maybe the core that seems so lost inside....but not the man he chooses to be today. I just feel sorry for him. I am thankful for the memories--they no longer hurt.
On another note, the kids and I had our D support group today; it is good to be around people who get it. The kids get to share with peers, and the parents do, too.
Also, my asst superintendent emailed me back--he is going to try to do everything he can to help me out, but it is a union issue and might not work out, with regards to the unpaid medical leave. We'll see.
My babies are safe and tucked into their beds, our frog is singing to me, and the puppy is laying at my feet. Life is good.
