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[SuperDad]

Thanks again AG and qoe,
I think my problem was that I really felt like somehow giving her time to take responsibility for her own life would eventually work. In fact, thinking about maximizing the happiness of all involved is what kept me in limbo this long. It is now clear (even to me) that she is not returning to reality on her own and that prolonging this limbo is taking its toll on me and by extension will continue to get worse and worse for the kids.

Qoe,
It has not been so extreme as you paint it, she does pay for her own activities with a part time job from home and her behavior around the kids has really improved, she even took them to the beach with a friend today, so this is good. I just hope these changes are permanent.

On another note, I am going to have to decide how much to tell her prior to serving her with the papers. Options are:
1. Say nothing, just let the L deal with it.
2. Wait til papers are ready and then let her know that it is coming.
3. Tell her immediately after I meet with L again and ask her to start working with me.

Option 1 is of course attractive to us conflict avoiders. Option 2 could lessen her anger, but probably not. Option 3 won't work, but again might lessen her anger when she gets served.

Thanks for your thoughts, SD