Hi Lodo I'm listening, but a bit distracted today as my major professor needs for a summer class are pressing, the weather here is a major concern, and I have two hour drive each way today to get to campus to deal with the summer class issues.
I'll re-read this right before I leave and then ponder your thoughts & questions on my drive. I'll check in later tonight.
Right now I can tell you that you & my H have said the same thing about how the R could be enough... best friends with sex is how he defines what is enough for him to be in a marriage relationship. Is that what I'm hearing you say is enough for you?
I don't agree with that. Maybe women & men define best friends differently, I don't know about that. I need to think about that and your question about being more accepting of who he is.
Have a good day. Thanks for the thoughts.
Hey bridgestone,
what are you studying? I'm working on a master's and have to do the summer school thing too.
I didn't mean to indicate that best friends with sex is enough. I think the best friends part is what carries you through those periods of losing other connections and hopefully sustains you while you start reconnecting in other ways. But those reconnections are vital. How they happen is tricky, though, and I guess that's where I was heading.
For instance, my W was annoyed because I stopped being enthusiastic about going to parties. But the parties she always wanted to go to were with her colleagues who only talk about their work. I tend to be somewhat shy at first in social settings, so had a hard time mixing and she'd never stay with me and help me mingle. So it wasn't enjoyable for me. I liked the people, though, and enjoy going to parties.
So how to reconnect on doing things socially in that situation? Both of us would have to give something because it won't happen naturally - I'm not in her field and she doesn't have my shyness. But if we made an effort to understand what each other needed and then tried to meet those needs, it'd work.
So not sure if that's a good example of what I was thinking or not, but no, best friends with sex isn't enough. You need to meet each others needs. But I don't think that comes naturally - I think you need to work on it and communicate with each other about what those needs are, how they can be met, and how far you're willing to compromise so that the other can realistically meet them.
lodo
PS - one other question. In my sitch, I'm in a master's program and W reinstated into a PhD program. So times were pretty intense at our house. 9 years ago she started a master's and broke up with me 3 months later saying she didn't think we had enough in common. Last fall, 3 months after starting her PhD, she moved out saying we didn't have enough in common. Since you're in school yourself, how much do you think the new experiences and pressures of school add to the dissatisfaction at home?
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
