next --------------------- Trust is a hard thing to earn after it has been violated many times. That is what I hear your wife saying you did. She looked for you to step up, counted on you for support & time in various situations & you didn't come through.
Now that you see it through her eyes you can see how much it hurts.
It took 5 months for my LBS to even acknowledge his role in violating the 'intimate trust' we had built in our R. Until he could recognize his role in this, convey it in a way I could "hear" (multiple times actually) and apologize for it in a way that was meaningful to me, I was not ready to even consider trusting him.
Patience, not being pushy, kind, 'quietly present', doing a 180 especially in areas of her 'love language' (great book highly recommend it).
when there are opportunities to apologize for your role in this, do so in a way that means something to her (5 languages of apology..also highly recommended). HOWEVER.. do not just dump this on her. I know it is tricky when you are DB'ing & they recommend no R talk, but acknowledging your past actions & how you are taking responsibility for them are not necessarily "us" & "R" talk.
If you feel at ANY TIME you can not be true to your level of support you want to give her or acting in a way that will build trust. You need to put the phone down, walk away, shut your mouth. Any little rebuilt trust is fragile, tender, & needing close caretaking to allow it to continue to grow. It takes very very little to damage it and you will need to start almost from square one.
Years were spent destroying that intimate trust the two of you developed, it will not come back in a few days/weeks or possibly even months.
Peace to you.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
