Everybody, I have had a rough night tonight. H was at the Track Night we went to tonight so he could "cheer D8 on", but he did more yelling at me. I let slip the fact that I had switched the kids' doctor from the one in the last town we lived in (almost an hour away) to a doctor in our town 5 minutes away, and a woman (my D8 wanted a woman). I had told him several times I was going to do that as I am the one that will be taking them to the doctor's. And it's not like our old doctor was so great; he actually had malpracticed with S14 (diagnosed uveitis as pinkeye b/c he was too busy to see S14) so my son's eyes got scarred as a result of the wrong meds. So he was mad at me the whole time for that.
I have been so strong & positive the last few months, and I was having a less positive day b/c of the whole job application and not having worked in 5 years, and so it was a bad idea for me to be around him I think. Harder to ignore him and easier for him to affect me. I said at one point (yes I know I shouldn't have) that we never appreciated each other, but that I do appreciate him now, but he will never appreciate me and he said yes and agreed with me. I went in the bathroom and cried twice (I did NOT let him see me cry) and cried when I got in the car on the way home a couple minutes, and I can't remember the last time I cried--I think the day he moved out and that was about 2 months ago. He is so nice to all his friends that we saw, but so much anger and almost contempt I think for me. And I just don't know, if he is always going to drag me down, I'm not feeling very positive that we will ever make it or maybe even should (even if there was no OW). OK, I know I did horrible tonight so feel free to bring out the 2x4s! Karen
