I asked him about his schedule for tomorrow - he's going to a work thing overnight (legitimate work thing) to which I both cannot go and do not want to go. However, out of my mouth flew 'other spouses are going, aren't they?' and 'it really hurts my feelings that you don't even think about asking me' or something like that. Then I started crying and said there was no point bringing it up since it didn't change anything and turned my back. He left the room and I went outside and sat on the stairs and cried.
After a while I calmed myself down, reminded myself that I didn't actually want to go and that I had said just a few hours ago that he could do what he needed to do and I would be strong - that lasted a long time, didn't it?
So, I went back inside, he came back into the kitchen (had been in the bathroom) and apologized for not giving me a chance to say no. Lovely smiley eyes, looking right at me. I am just a sucker for this guy, he turns my insides to goo. That's a romantic image, isn't it?
Anyway, I said I was sorry for going back on what I had said last night and thanked him for what he had just said. And then we were back to the distance, which is going to drive me insane, insane, insane. I will take to drinking heavily, I'm sure of it.
Is this good or bad? I don't know, but I'm going to go outside and do whatever comes up in the garden and stop thinking about this for a while.
Must stop obsessing about my H - so difficult to do, but so necessary.
