focussing on the good stuff!!

[sage]

it seems h has been right all along...I am fine for a few days and then get sucked into neg feelings over again...

I wonder why that trend is??

it does seem to me that the neg feelings are not as neg as time goes by but the fact that they are still there is bothersome to me.

so...two good pieces of info...that there does seem to be a trend (why? do you get scared? are you holding stuff in and then it has to come out? Is it the "women are from venus" idea that women just have up and down cycles that need to be ridden out? read the book, ll!!!). Also that the negatives are less negative -- cool! ( I guess I'll also tack on the H!! has noticed this? wow!)

I don't want to live in constant fear that I'm being manipulated or that the wool was truly pulled over my eyes..
<snip>
I just wish that I could trust it all...is this real??

you know what I'm gonna say already...it's gonna be your decision to trust, to believe, etc.

I still have visions of punching ow in the face...just for fun!!

me too! me too! I actually picture doing it...is that bad??

things with h seem to be going very well...he's talking more and more about work and his day...customers and employees etc.

I just wish I could get hypnotized and erase this past year and a half from my mind...I don't want to live with the bad memories...

I wouldn't wish this crap on my worst enemy (well...there is ONE person...) but do you ever feel like it HAS given you an opportunity to grow? Granted, I might have preferred achieving that growth in a less crappy way but...

4. an awful lot of thank you's and I appreciate this or that's going around lately (in both directions)

This is gonna be a "doing what works" thing -- right??? very cool.

Sage