Just found out we're supposed to give short talks tonight in class and I have nothing prepared, so left work early.
I'm doing okay. Pretty much finished off the going dark thing. After email exchange with W yesterday, she apparently felt safe in stopping by my office today. Usual chitchat-catchup-howareyou convo. She said she might ask me to check on the house while she's gone. Then said she's seeing the L tomorrow re: separation agreement and if everything is okay she'll bring it by for me to sign, along with a check for share of the house. I kept things pleasant and cheery and upbeat.
And there it is. done.
Which is fine. I can't play mind games or do things like going dark - I'm just not that type of person. As I lay in bed this AM, I realized that my lowness over last couple of weeks has been because I've reached that point of not caring anymore.
I've wanted things to follow the script from 9 years ago for so long, and now comes the final piece. And it's not the same situation. It's not a script. And we're through. And that's okay, I'll be fine and I deserve better anyway. I really want to make things work with W, but it takes 2. 9 years ago, she went out into the field but came to see me for 3 days beforehand, already knowing within herself that it was completely over. We had a blast together, doing all the things we loved and reconnecting. That's really what brought us back together - that reconnection.
Well, she's put her foot down this time - no activities. She hasn't even gone on a walk with me for quite some time. She's decided it's over and nothing will sway her. So I'm now accepting that.
Okay, I've gotta go figure out what I'm going to talk about.
lodo
PS - H4H, just saw your post. To be completely honest, I guess I do think my W and I are soulmates because of how well we get along with each other. Not just get along, but understand each other. that's been the hardest part of all this - realizing that I don't really understand her. But 9 years ago, she admitted that the majority of it was her own emotional confusion and turmoil - her feeling like she HAD to make a decision in the midst of that and choosing herself and wanting to just clear everything else out. So I think she has these cycles in her and if they sync up with a down cycle in me - blammo. so much for soulmates. So to answer your question, yes I believe in soulmates but do I trust in that? No, I think that IS being over hopeful.
