I am relieved to the core that you saw what I posted was not in malice or meant to disrespect in any way. I came to this site in 2006 in desperate attempts to save a marriage gone terribly wrong. I applied the techniques and came to realize that my marriage was not meant to be saved, not as it was. My ex spoke to me much the way your husband does, and after almost 10 years of wondering why I could not be the person he needed me to be, I chose me. It is not for everyone, and I'm not advocating divorce at any means. My turning point came when my oldest daughter (6) told me that if I just kept telling daddy I was sorry and would try harder, maybe he would stop being mean. Talk about an eye-opener. I don't see you as a doormat, not by any means. You are trying, so..so very hard that I hurt for you that he will not give you an inch or recognize your accomplishments. Punishing you for not wanting to uproot your children and move so far away because...HE wants to and his friend is going? But you are the selfish one? So, what..he takes his ball and goes home like a scolded child?
I applaud you for perservering, but felt I had to speak up FOR YOU, as it seems you are getting a lot of the blame. Like you, I know I had my part in the issues I dealt with..but that fault did not make it OK for me to be on the receiving end of such rage, hatred-filled words and disrespect. Why would my kids listen to me or respect me when they saw their father do the opposite? It's all tied together.
I'm glad you are taking a stance that he can't come home yet. That shows how very strong you are as well as your strength in God. I TRULY admire that. I will continue to pray for your personal growth & continued strength. I'm sorry if it appears I've hijacked, as I said...i've read from day one and I've cried when you've cried and I felt I needed to remind you (as some of these days get so dark) that you are worthy of respect and kindness and true love.
In parting...one thing that I kept in the front of my mind while I went through this was...I am teaching my daughters how they should allow a man to treat them. What they should tolerate, what is "normal". I was *not* doing a good job. Remember that. Not only for your daughter, but for the son you are raising and what he is going to learn about how to treat a woman, a wife, a partner. It goes far beyond us. I wish you the best of luck.
