this looking for the positives stuff seems to be working very well for me...
sure there are still little things that make me cringe but they are little, when I let them go and instead focus on the positive it seems they are simply followed by more positive...
had a nice weekend...sat went to a christening on h's side (distant relatives) h didn't really want to go...likes to be home instead but was happy to have gone when all was said and done...the kiddos danced and everyone adored them.
h was grumpy...but shared the story of why...yet another customer story..(his life sure isn't all fun and games)
the weekend weather gets h grumpy too..if there is a threat of rain on the week ends h is bummy...he wants to get the work done in the yard..."so that eventually he can just put around the yard during those "free" days, and heck, maybe even sit on the hammock"
1. h asked what was the second movie I had rented (rented two on sat night) and suggested we watch it. he stayed awake the whole time.
2. in bed h cuddled me and thanked me for all I did during the day...I didn't know what he was refering to...he let me know...doing his laundry, keeping the kids entertained while he worked, making his lunch for today (which he forgot to take this am) let me know that it doesn't go unnoticed and that he apreciates all I do.
3. I learned how to link threads (finally)
4. at the hardware store yesterday looking for a border for dd's bedroom, son found a border for his own room...I put it up for him last night and he loves it (tractors, dumptrucks and the like, typical 4 year old boy stuff)
5. life is good when you take the time to look at what you have and are getting rather than what you are not.
5. life is good when you take the time to look at what you have and are getting rather than what you are not.
LL
This is wonderful.
Add a #6 to your list:
6) I helped someone else on the BB (Sage) reset her attitude. She was feeling pretty crappy and I reminded her to look at all the good stuff around her.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
6) I helped someone else on the BB (Sage) reset her attitude. She was feeling pretty crappy and I reminded her to look at all the good stuff around her.
awww, shucks sage, I don't know whether to smile or to cry...well since I'm smiling I'll stick with that one...actually sage you had been looking at the positive all along in your sit...sure it's hard not to let the little negatives (that are sometimes just our own feelings) bring us down...but only if we let it happen...just as they say love is a decision...so too is happiness...decide to be happy and you will be, no matter what is going on around you!
Quote: at the hardware store yesterday looking for a border for dd's bedroom, son found a border for his own room...I put it up for him last night and he loves it (tractors, dumptrucks and the like, typical 4 year old boy stuff)
Jeez LL, I'm going to start calling you LL Vila! Had to work on some plumbing last Friday. You have any tips?!?!
You know, LL, I have noticed an interesting shift in the tone of your posts as of late. Could it be listing three things daily??? I'm very happy for you and think that perhaps I need to begin listing some of the positives in my sitch, as I seem to be really down and focusing on the negatives lately.
Quote: Jeez LL, I'm going to start calling you LL Vila! Had to work on some plumbing last Friday. You have any tips?!?!
ha ha ha!! sorry I haven't gotten into plumbing yet..but was considering making some valance boards for dd's room...LL vila!! I used to watch this old house all the time as a kid..(what a weird kid)
Quote: You know, LL, I have noticed an interesting shift in the tone of your posts as of late. Could it be listing three things daily??? I'm very happy for you and think that perhaps I need to begin listing some of the positives in my sitch, as I seem to be really down and focusing on the negatives lately.
jethro,
looking back over some of my "pitiful" old threads I noticed that I always felt better when I focussed on the good things in my life rather than dweling in the negative...there's always a positive in your day...if you can start looking for them and taking note perhaps the negatives wont seem so significant...can't hurt to try..see how it works for you.
oh ya, I forgot one positive that seems little but is really huge to me...
h has cell phone for work and "always" has it with him, it has been an issue for me in the past where he answers it all the time even if we are talking..as if that comes first...yesterday we were talking (about nothing really important) and his phone chirped (nextel two way) he ignored it...it chirped again..he looked to see who it was and continued talking to me...I said that's ok answer it...he said no, I'm talking to you, they can wait.
yes, I did thank him at the end of the day..let him know I appreciated comming first especially since we weren't talking about anything significant.
ok, I caught a case of the what if's today and I don't know how to shake it.
perhaps my what if's come from dweling in the past...dwelling in the fact that h DID continue his r with ow after the first disclosure while denying it to me...dwelling on the he lied then..how do I know he's not lying now? dwelling in the...I was fooled then why should I not think I'm being fooled now? choosing for a short time to allow myself to be sucked into the world of LL is a dummy, LL is naive, LL is being fooled...looking at the positives and serching..wondering...were these same positives there before when h was lying?? sure some of them were but not all of them...are things different now?? should I believe what h says...he wouldn't have come back to lie?? but then so many do, don't they?? I want desperately to hash out these feelings right now...can't call h...(he's stressed enough today) can't call mother..she was cheated on repeatedly til she filed herself and is still bitter so she's a tad biased on things.
I want this feeling to go away... should I sit and think...well live as if he's being honest and IF one day you learn otherwise then ta hell with him then. or shut these thoughts (wich mostly they are just my thoughts as I have no "signs" telling me his IS lying about her anyway) and accept that it's for real?
at a loss as to how to truly deal with these feelings...I don't like that I now have to live as a woman who was betrayed (even if possibly not physically) and left but then returned to...but know that I can and will if it is all for the good...but to wake one day or answer the phone one afternoon to hear again something like this is happening?? will it be worth it??
I ask my mother if it was worth it for her...my dad had an a when she was preg with me...she kicked him out..eventually she had him back...life was shaky but they stayed together...eventually things seemed really good for them...til one night she decided to go meet him where he went on wed nights and ladi da there he was hand in hand with another woman...my mother did not have db but did some of the things listed...dad moved in and out...in and out...til mom couldn't wait any longer and filed...I ask her if she could do it over again would she have let him back the first time...she says no..(but then she's still not happy now so??)
I don't know why I'm rambling...just wish that the bad thoughts could go away.
I know it's not an easy road...just sometimes I wonder if h is "dealing" with things as well or if life is just tra la la for him and he's just waiting for me to "deal" with it all.
I don't know.
I know this post is rather negative and may be dissapointing for some...life is not peaches and cream...there is still struggle.
wondering if I should sneak out for a movie myself tonight...I did want to see Identity but wonder if h would be dissapointed...I know he would never say so as he has always let me do as I choose but I do notice that when I go out he seems lonley.
I don't know?
things are still good though...just my own "stuff" to deal with and I think it will be best if I keep this "stuff" to myself for a bit and maybe let the positives be a guide to help me through it without putting to much pressure on h for more reasurrances...what he does on his own is better received anyway.
Quoting lostlove: ok, I caught a case of the what if's today and I don't know how to shake it.
How CAN you shake it? You say so much in your post that I can identify with...AND your post is action-oriented too! (In good db fashion!)
You think about calling someone (h or mom), life "as if", shut out the thoughts, sneaking out for a movie, dealing with it on your own (not asking h for reassurance right now), focusing on the stuff he IS doing....
ALL of this is SO good -- do you see how different this post is? It's about scary, scary stuff and yet, you're so bravely looking at how to shake it.
What HAS worked for you? I love the movie idea ... (altho' I did hear some mixed reviews of "Identity" ). Interesting that h seems lonely when you go off and do something....maybe that's not so bad?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
thanks for stopping by...it is so hard for me to hear that I'm doing things the right way...I guess I don't know how to take compliments well..let's just say your reply made me swell a bit (emotinally that is)
ok, well for one I know that it's not really a good idea to go look at that "the other woman" website...it's just plain pitiful...but there is some interesting stuff there too...some mm (maried men) do post so it is some what useful..but then again nothing I haven't already read in books or here to know the what's and why's of affairs.
I would like for my h to be more open about his r with ow..but I think I lost a bit of that by blowing up the first time he did give information (when he told me how much time they HAD been spending together, I freaked)
I suppose for now I can do what I want with my feelings...but do need to stuff them somewhere and put on a happy face when h gets home...thing is h can see through it now..(well maybe that's another positive in itself...before, if I said nothing h said nothing, now if I say nothing but am a tad distant h asks w'sup)
Quote: What HAS worked for you?
hmmmm...gettting up an going out to dinner with the kids (instead of just sitting waiting for h to come home), playing, putting on some music, having an evening plan for myself so as not to depend on h for my entertainment.
Quote: I love the movie idea ... (altho' I did hear some mixed reviews of "Identity" ).
doesn't seem to be playing anywhere near me anyway...wonder what's playing at the drive-in (yup! LL's got a drive in theater still in operation nearby)
Quote: Interesting that h seems lonely when you go off and do something....maybe that's not so bad?
only said that he "seems" lonely when I'm not here...I wonder if that is a good thing or a bad thing??
Had to work on some plumbing last Friday. You have any tips?!?!