H got back from his overnight "field work" and has left again this morning for the rest of the weekend for more "field work/research". I really have no idea where he is. He has tried to reassure me several times that he's working/doing research and nothing else. He mentioned to me that he would be back to do something with S for Father's Day and I told him that it is S he has to explain that to. A couple of nights ago we had a R talk that he brought up where I voiced a lot of my concerns. H asked if I would consider staying here with S and I told him very honestly that after all that's happened I cannot stay. I told him there are many, many issues that have to be addressed and I cannot give up my entire life once again when there are no guarantees that he will even attempt to resolve any issues. As I pointed out to H, this has been an on-going pattern throughout our M - we've been S before there were 2 other EAs (a possible short lived PA) and I'm no longer willing to sweep everything under the rug.
I'm getting ready to move back to my hometown with S the following weekend. I just want to say to anyone reading this that DB does work. Hang in there as long as you can. H came back home after a 6 month EA/PA and a 4 month S. He's apologized and has regretted what he has done. I don't know what will happen as we will be 2500 miles apart. We obviously need MC and won't be able to do that living that far apart.
Thank you to all those who have supported me through this very difficult period. I wouldn't have been able to get through this without your thoughts and prayers. I know I'll continue to rely on your support in the months ahead.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
You sound so strong and confident. I can't believe your moving date is so close now. How is the packing going? Do you already have some place to move to in hometown or will you be staying with family for a while.
H asked you to consider staying.. interesting. Did he offer to move back to hometown?
You are such an inspiration. You are living your life for you and your S. Moving on and ahead. If H follows, then it will be with resolution, commitment and trust all rebuilt. If not, then you are moving onto your new life. Don't let the move get you down. Youa re doing the right thing. Why should you stop the move when he hasn't recommitted?
What an inspiration you are, I just don't know if I would have been that strong. But with all that he has done in the past, I don't blame you one bit!!!
You take care of you & if he follows then you will know.
W2G, Eagle and Nlt thank you so much for your very kind words. People like you and others that have posted to me have given me the strength and encouragement I needed to get me through this.
I'll be moving back to my hometown with S in about 10 days (as H had requested when in the midst of his A). After a lot of soul searching, I realize I am no longer willing to live with the status quo. H has been unhappy and dissatisfied with mostly everything for years dating back to before our M. Eventhough I realize I contributed to problems in our M, I have been EXTREMELY patient and supportive over the years as H moved from job to job sometimes in different towns, went back to school, pursued a wide range of interests, a couple of EAs, all in search of happiness but never found it. He has many, many unresolved issues to deal with. Although there are never any guarantees in life, if we hope to share a future together we must take steps to minimize the risk of this ever happening again. One way of achieving this is through IC and MC. Our M doesn't stand a chance if H does not BEGIN to address his issues. Until this happens, we cannot be together. Right now, I would not want H to move back to hometown with us.
W2G - When we moved out here it was a trial move. We still have a furnished house back in our hometown (a family member has been living there while we were away). I also have a job to go back to in a couple of months. I don't have too much packing to do - mainly clothing and some personal belongings. H will be staying here for the time being so everything else will stay.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I think you are right in your decision to move. He has to get his act together before moving forward with your R & M. You have been very patient & supportive & I think in time he will see it.
At least you have a place to live, family around & a job to go to.
