"We did have a small issue recently because he likes me to talk dirty (ie swear) in bed and I didn't know how I felt about that because I am a christian and I don't swear at all. We had a talk about it and I have done it a couple of times but we both know it's not really me. Maybe that has brought back some bad memories for him, I don't know."
This is negotiable, depending on how comfortable you are. Not an unreasonable request, not an unreasonable refusal (my opinion). As a release to morality, I do not swear at all, but I would in bed if it turned on my wife. The marriage bed allows for the relaxing of some rules.
"I think also his idea of exciting sex is stuff like group sex (I kid you not) and really that is going to be out of the question for me. Don't think my Pastor would approve. I wonder if he thinks I can ever really be exciting enough for him."
This is TOTALLY OUT OF BOUNDS! It is not a matter of if your pastor approves or not. This takes two people with some serious life issues to make work on any kind of basis. I doubt you fall into this catagory. I will tell you the idea of a two on one is about the ultimate common male fantasy, but that does not make it right for practical application.
My guess is that your husband has a pretty severe porn or erotica habit if he is seriously needing that to enjoy sex. This is something he has to fix. It is a totally unreasonable expectation. Some amount of fantasy, role play etc is great for some folks, but there have to be boundaries. If he has been sex starved for so long, that could easily be where his release has been.
If he does have a porn issue, what is that to you?
