The doctors warned us about the reoccurance of TIA's. Short in duration. Said that they may be common in her from now on. Have to keep an eye on her. Some people sometimes just get a far away look and are unresponsive for a few seconds. It has happened in the past. Just never fainted before.
I am going to talk to her again. I cannot force her to go. She has not been taking her meds regularly. I cannot force her to take them. She is an adult. I have talked to her before and I come off as the father figure she is trying to escape from. The one telling her what to do.
Not trying to feel good about myself. She knows what she is supposed to do. Hopefully this will wake her up a bit more.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Nothing much for yesterday. I called WW early afternoon to see how she was. She kept reassuring me she was ok, that she was fine. It was probably just a mix of things. She says she will restart her Plavix. I say ok. I tell her I'll get the girls from daycare and check it out. I ask if I need to make it to the bank, and she says she already made a deposit.
It is after work and first, WW calls me to make sure I am getting the girls. I said yes, just later than I thought. Got caught up at work. I tell her we need some things from the grocery store, so going there after. She says she'll meet us there.
Then, I go to the wrong daycare. "Oh, that one is down the road a bit, sir."
Thank you. What a dummy.
Find the place and it is right next door to the apartments that she wants. You have to turn into the same drive. Place is ok. Nothing special. Leaving and last second, the teacher says she forgot to check my id. Ok. She makes a copy and is going through book.
No fathers name. On either info for the girls. They have to call WW. I am calling too. WTF.
Director says, "Oh sir, this happens all the time. I don't know why." I am looking at the papers. Ok, I could see if I look at it right. One small line that says "Parents name". She just wrote her name. The space is small. The "s" is kind of smudged. She wrote my cell number under "fathers cell".
I tell them to seperate the father and mother, instead of just having a space for "parents". Might stop that from happening.
Seperate the father and mother. I chuckle to myself as we leave.
WW calls and waits outside and I send girls home with her. I finish and go home after.
WW cooks dinner and makes some brownies that I bought the weekend before. Haven't made them because we ran out of eggs. WW decides to make them. We eat in front of tv watching some George Lopez reruns. S14 has been with his dad this week and will be back next week. Nephew has been staying with his dad since last week and the same with the friend. He has been making up with his mom, too. Haven't seen much of them, lately.
After we eat, I notice WW brings two brownies to the table on a napkin and she eats one. I am watching tv. She later asks if I was going to eat my brownie. I tell her that I didn't go get one. She says she brought some for us and that she ate hers already. I tell her thanks.
WW is really tired so everyone to bed earlier than usual. I stay up in front of the tv. She is out on the bed with the light on. She can do that. She can be out in the blink of an eye. Lights blaring. I have to have complete dark. I go to nephews room and log on to computer and come here.
I have been trying to read LostPhil's sitch. That is the craziest thread that I think that I have ever seen here. It is sad at times and hilarious at others. He is not trying to be funny, by the way. Puppy loves him. About an hour later I here stirring in the house and WW comes and pops into the room. I have never let her see me on here. I have told her stories that I read about but never give her a site name. I tell her that I have made friends that are going through the same sh** as us. Hundreds of us. How everyones sitch, even though different circumstances, is very much alike.
She asks what I am doing. I tell her I am reading stories. She comes over and says, "What is that?" She is trying to read. She is still a little groggy. She says, "Forest Gump?" I say "Forest Gump". She gives a look of "Your coocoo" and starts to walk off.
I log off and follow to bed.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I think someone alluded or even mentioned that. Hard to tell. Sometimes his posts of his daily goings on seem so backwoods and at others, so clear and introspective. Especially when he is explaining himself. I got to the part that he says that he is published. (Shrug)
On my way to work, I was thinking about dark and detached. I don't know why it is so hard to put hands around it.
On one side, it seems to counter productive to what you want to accomplish. Like, isn't this what got me here in the first place. Seeming to be unconnected? I know that Lost in Space has thought the same. I read about MfromTennessee. His last thinking on GALing and being detached is that WW thinks of him as moving on. That is what it is supposed to do, right?
But the actual end result is not what he was trying to accomplish. He feels she felt better about it. Make it easier for her to move on. He's ok. He's over me.
On the other hand, sometimes you DO feel like it gets them wondering.
It's psychological warfare? Messing with her mind in some way?
Another thought about how we will share the kids. Like every other LBS, the first thing I think about is how me having the girls every other week or whatever we agree to, gives her more time to be with OM. This is a hard thought to keep out of your mind. I know I should be saying so what.
It is mostly the ladies here that have to deal with this daily. Their H's leave and sometimes move in with OW. I know this would just work me. It would be harder if WW has the girls full time. Time with OM would be relegated to just weekends. She did mention how different they are. That is when I started to explain to her how different his is from me. Opposites. That is why he is interesting to her. She mentioned how he is as persistant as I am. In that, we are the same she said. He questions her. When do you get off work? Are you off yet? Where are you? I know he smothers her, too. I have heard hsi VM's. It may have been cute and sweet to start out, but I know it pisses her off after a while. He sounds really needy.
She absolutely hates that. I hope that he keeps that up. It will doom him in time.
My girls are important, though. I want them with me. I have to keep saying to myself, "Let her go. She may come back. Chances are, she won't. Just move on and live for your self and your kids. Try to enjoy life. Get your head on straight."
Then thoughts that invade Jeff's mind creep in. Them together. Him touching her. It takes time. It will go away. It has to.
Someday. Just need to put the blocks in.
WW told me the prior night, that she cringes when I get home.
Cringes. That was nice to hear. I tell myself that it is the situation that makes her cringe. Not me, personally.
But then, I shouldn't give a rats ass.
Her actions say something a little different. She still sleeps in our bed. This morning she came and started on her hair while I was still in the shower.
In the end, that is what I find myself doing. Hoping that OM hangs himself with his questioning her and being needy and my detaching and being somewhat dark with her when she moves out and being a great dad. Being away from the girls a full week at a time will get to her after a while.
It is all I can do.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I copied this off of LostPhil's thread. It is the funniest sh*t I have read in... I don't know how long. His thread is WHACK! Hope ya'll enjoy it as much as I did.
I am off early and gonna pick my D's and take them swimming today.
MIDLIFE for Dummies
Welcome to the wonderful world of Mid Life Crisis!! You are about to embark on one of the most perilous journey's you have ever taken. A journey fraught with intrigue and guaranteed to turn you inside out! This book is designed to help you make sure you get the most emotional bang for your buck. In these pages are the "how to" answers to the questions you have been asking yourself about damaging as many people as you can along the way. Come on and dig in, it's time to get this Roller coaster rolling on down the tracks!!
Chapter 1 Choosing the correct speech
There are 4 basic speeches for you to choose from. They are:
a) I love you but I don't know if I'm in love with you.
b) I've never loved you, and we should never have gotten married.
c) We got married to young. I never knew anything besides you.
d) You tricked me into marrying you, I would never have done it otherwise.
Once you have decided on which speech to give, you need to cause as much anxiety in your spouse as you can before you actually give it. Continue to the next chapter for Lessons in building anxiety.
Chapter 2 Lessons in building anxiety
You will find these lessons to be helpful in causing anxiety in your spouse and others (depending on the level of pain and damage you want to cause), not just prior to giving the speech, but throughout your MLC.
Lesson 1 Monstrification of your Spouse
This is easy to accomplish. Simply think of only the "bad" things that your spouse has done throughout your entire relationship. Have one of those "angel" spouses? No problem, just remember how bad she always makes you feel. DO NOT under any circumstances remember fondly your spouse, or anything they have done for you. Remember, they are going to be the cause of all of your problems, so it is imperative that you convince your self of this first.
Lesson 2 Emotional Detachment
This will be very easy to do after accomplishing lesson 1. All you have to do is start reminding yourself that you don't care about them, what they feel, what they want, or if they hurt. Simple! Every time you remind yourself of this, you will get further and further away from your relationship emotionally. Now, that wasn't too hard was it? On to lesson 3
Lesson 3 Mass confusion and Indecision
This lesson requires a little more thought and attention. You must constantly practice saying "I don't know" to ANY and ALL questions. That is imperative!! Your spouse (and others) must never know precisely what is going on in-side your head. Also, never let them know where you are going, where you have been, who you were with (this will go hand in hand with the lesson on the Other Person, or OP), or whether or not they can expect you to return home.
Lesson 4 Lies and Deceit
To get the most damage, and cause the most pain, you must lie and decieve at every opportunity. And to really achieve hall of fame status, you should be very inept at it, so that everyone knows that you are lying, or suspects, but can't prove it initially. This works very well for the following chapters, OP and Cake Eating.
Chapter 3 The Other Person (or OP)
Now it is time for you to succumb to temptation. You KNOW all of those other women/men want you! They have been coming on to you for years!! It is time for you to give them their chance at having some of you. Make sure that you leave a very confusing trail for your spouse to follow. One that lets them suspect, but have to dig and sneak (to make them feel worse about themselves) to find the information they need to prove it. Hold out admitting the affair as long as you can, and don't admit it ever, if you can get away with it.
Chapter 4 Cake Eating
This chapter is designed to string your spouse along in uncertainty as long as possible, because as long as they have hope, they won't be able to go out and find their own lives and be fulfilled. Why should they get to do that, while you are so miserable? They shouldn't!! So, make sure that you are affectionate occasionally (not too often, as this will raise anxiety levels), that you drag your feet about making a decision on the marriage, and that you leave and come back several times (as many as you can get away with).
Chapter 5
History Revision
It is very important that you revise the life you have lead with your spouse. You must use words like: Always, Ever, Never and All of the Time. Always precede the statement with the terms: you, I, and we. As in "you always nag me" "I never ever (double bonus here) get to do what I want" and "We have to do what you want all of the time". This will help to make your spouse feel like the way you are behaving is all their fault, and can cause them to feel even worse about themselves than they already did!!
Chapter 6 It's all about you!!
Remember this is all about you! What you want and need, RIGHT NOW! You shouldn't have to wait until you can afford something, just go on out and get it! You deserve a new haircut, new clothes, and some new toys. You've worked for it. You would probably look great in that new Convertible, or on that new Harley!! So don't hesitate! You live in the here and now! So why wait until tomorrow!!
Remember, the word is CRISIS and if you are in one, EVERYONE else should have to ride the Roller coaster with you! It's no fun taking a ride alone, and you know what they say about misery loving company! Go on out there and get started, so much pain and damage, and so little time!
Chapter 7 Avoid, Ignore, and Run Away
This chapter is to help you deal with the problems that your spouse will try to cause. We don't want you to have to "deal" with anything, now do we? You shouldn't have to "think" about any "issues" right now, except those that concern you "feeling good". The best way to handle this, is to Avoid, Ignore, and Run Away. Any time someone tries to make you see a more "reasonable" stance on a subject, simply Avoid making a reply...stare out into space, as if you are thinking about something important, and they will become uncomfortable and leave you alone. If there are responsibilities that need your attention, simply ignore them. You don't have to do anything you don't feel like doing. And the best for last is Run Away! This can be accomplished in many different ways. OP's can help you Run Away from all of these "problems" as well as Alcohol, Drugs, New Sports Cars....etc the list is endless. Of course, you can always just leave...but remember not to let them know where you are going, and if you'll be back!!
Chapter 8 MC and Therapists:
Your spouse may ask you to go to counseling with her/him. This is only useful to make them feel better. It cannot possibly have anything to you so there is no reason for you to follow-up with anything suggested--it doesn't matter to you. The only thing you should look for is more reasons (excuses) for avoiding, running and ignoring (see previous chapter).
Chapter 9 I Don't have to if I Don't Want to and You Can't Make Me!
Remember that this is about YOU, and what YOU want and how YOU feel!! No one else is important, so don't let them make you feel as if you have to listen to anything they say. Your spouse will try to help you of course, because they love you. Don't let them get away with giving you unwanted advice. Let them know in the teenage vernacular, that they can't make you do anything. This is important, you must be as childish as possible!! Any truly adult behavior on your part will only convince them that you are listening to what they are saying, and you will have to start back at the beginning. Of course, this technique can be used knowingly to cause more confusion and chaos, just beware of the danger, you don't actually want to start acting like an adult!!
Chapter 10 "How to threaten" and/or "How do move out".
You threaten to move out for weeks or months but you don't. (*)You tell your spouse that you got too much on your plate right now to look for a flat but that you will do so in 2 weeks time. After 2 weeks, repeat from (*).
If your wife wants to come too close to you, like entering your bedroom to talk to you, tell her to stay away or you will move out. When she replies that you will move out anyway tell her that you will move out faster if she comes any closer
Chapter 11 Art of Clinging
The Art of Clinging to the End of the Mattress without falling off the matrimonial bed while still sharing it with your spouse.
Chapter 12 Advanced lessons
This is usually reserved for those in more difficult situations, where the LBS has responded not by tossing you out, threatening to leave, or filing for divorce, but instead persists in not only OFFERING to cooperate, but actually MAKING THE CHANGES you said you needed.
"I am tired of living like this/I don't want to live like this anymore/I am not going to live my life like this?" often is coupled with another advanced tactic, "It's not you, it's me".
This line is most effective AFTER the LBS has jumped through hoops and bent over backwards. It basically confirms that no matter what changes the LBS is willing to make, the incompatibility lies within the MLCer, who has no intention of, or implied desire or ability to, compromise.
Appendix
HOW TO MAKE YOUR SPOUSE THINK SHE IS CRAZY
1. When confronted by the evidence of an EA or PA, become very indignant. Stress that the LBS is obviously just a jealous sob/bi*ch, and you are entitled to "buddies" of the opposite sex.
2. Never, ever answer the question, "Are you okay? Is there something wrong?" with a direct answer that might actually lead to a discussion that might help the marriage. Continue to never talk to spouse, never give her/him a personal compliment or touch of affection and by all means work on the "cling to the edge of the mattress to avoid touching" manoeuvre that is so successful in making your spouse crazy.
3. Always bear in mind that your spouse will expect you to want to at least give them the chance to "fix" the marriage. Since you have already checked out emotionally (of course NEVER tell them that!), you are under no obligation to actually listen to anything they say or acknowledge anything they do. This tactic is also extremely beneficial when they employ the MLC diet. When they lose a massive amount of weight and you are in ear shot of someone who mentions to spouse about the weight loss, say "Are you losing weight? Why don't you ever tell me things?"
4. Of course one of the most successful ways to drive them crazy may only be used when you have earned the MLC Black Belt. Go to marriage counselling for months, let them pour out their soul to you and the counsellor and let them believe they are actually accomplishing something. Then arrange things so the spouse finds you in your own home with OP. This will accomplish two things: a. She will finally have to understand how lucky you are to have found your "soul mate" and b. She will be doubly betrayed because she thought you were actually working on the marriage.
DON'T LET YOUR SPOUSE GET TOO INDEPENDENT - STATEGIES FOR SUCKING YOUR SPOUSE BACK IN
1. Make negative comments about OP or the chances that the relationship with OP will succeed. HOWEVER, under no circumstances, make any commitment to end the relationship with OP.
2. Make veiled hints about suicide or excessive drinking or drug use. Be erratic and hard to contact.
3. Do random acts of kindness such as yard work or something. That will keep your spouse confused and hopeful.
4. Make vague comments hinting that things might work out between you and your spouse IN THE FUTURE. HOWEVER, under no circumstances take any actions to work anything out.
CUSTODY Using the kids to your advantage.
If you have children, they can be extremely useful for inducing fear and panic in your spouse. Recommended phrases include, "You're poisoning my kids against me", "You put that idea into their heads", and "You need to do [insert pertinent action here] for the sake of the kids'." Remember, your spouse, being a responsible and loving person, is not only trying to cope with his/her own feelings, but trying to protect the children, and you can use that to your advantage.
Don't forget to use the fact that if you spend any time with your kids, you should get Extra Credit Bonus Good Parent points from your spouse. It doesn't matter if you feed them ice cream for breakfast and have them watch "Hellboy" when they asked for "Veggie Tales", you Just Wanted To Make Them Happy, and since YOU are the best judge of Happiness, that makes you Super Parent. You can use this opportunity to trash talk your spouse ("Isn't this more fun than what Mommy/Daddy would let you do?" "Mom/Dad doesn't know how to relax.") which of course, will be repeated back to your spouse so you get the benefit of destroying their self-esteem second hand.
Highly advanced MLCers may want to start casually using the word Custody, but be very, very careful. While useful for sending your spouse into a state of panic, you certainly do not want to be responsible for a bunch of kids who will seriously cut into your personal fun time. The word Custody should only be used in a casual tone of voice for the most devastating effect.
BUTTON PUSHING
You (the mlcer) know a lot about your spouse. You know what pushes their buttons to get them both upset and/or happy. You have the power, you can do it! So using the kids to upset them is fair game (see section on how to use "custody" to upset them but not take on the "custody"). And if that ever stops working, find something else. Suggestions might include pets, valuables in the home, their appearance, family, career. Nothing is out of your reach since you have put in so many years getting to know your spouse--use what you know.
THE BLAME GAME
By now, you should be aware that all of this MUST be your spouses fault, however, your spouse may not understand this completely yet, so you need to start planting the seeds.
There are several ingenious ways to put the blame on your spouse, and we will be exploring them all.
Method 1: The Non-Blame Statement
I'm trying not to blame YOU
This statement implies that you are "not putting the blame on them" but on closer look (which your spouse is guaranteed to be doing) The words actually put all of the blame on the spouse (where of course we know it belongs).
Method 2: The Passive Blame Statement
I don't think that I can live with you. My opinion never mattered to you. I cant' live like this. We rarely have fun anymore. I don't want to live this way anymore. (There are many more I'm sure you can think of)
These are passive statements that don't actually assign blame to your spouse, but your spouse will definitely get the idea if you use them. They can't help but see that it MUST be them that makes you feel this way.
Method 3: The Direct Blame Statement
You never listen to me. You never put creases in my pants. You use bagged salad. You never keep the house clean. You are going to do it your way.
All of these are direct statements of blame. You should mix actual faults with things that don't really matter to make it more confusing, and make your spouse feel as bad as possible about themselves.
Your spouse has probably already started doing the hard work to look inside his/herself (Yuck, what an awful thought!) and will take on all of the faults you list to try and correct them. This will keep them occupied for awhile, and you can avoid any serious relationship talks while they apologize for and try to fix all of their own faults. Make sure that you don't actually accept the apology, that way you can continue to bring the fault up which will slow down their self improvement process. Remember, they are working on becoming better human beings, and you wouldn't want that to happen to fast, as that would interfere with your ability to string them along.
Note: NEVER ACTUALLY ADMIT TO ANY FAULTS OF YOUR OWN!!!! REMEMBER, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY! YOU ARE THE GOOD ONE, AND HAD THE RIGHT TO HAVE AN AFFAIR, LIE, SPEND MONEY, OR ANY OTHER THING, BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONES THAT ARE BAD!!!
let's not forget "We're just incompatible - we always were."
Also, when the LBS starts to make changes, make SURE you find fault with these changes, or point out how it's "too little, too late", or wasn't what you meant AT ALL. If all else fails, put the LBS down for being so willing to change herself for your needs. Also, when the LBS starts to make changes, make SURE you find fault with these changes, or point out how it's "too little, too late", or wasn't what you meant AT ALL."
How to keep you spouse guessing...be mean one minute threatening divorce, etc then next day be kind and sweet almost the way your spouse remembers you..rinse repeat....
HOW TO CONTINUE THE CRAZINESS ONCE SEPARATION/DIVORCE IS AGREED UPON
1. Even though by now you, dear MLCer, have done everything human possibly to convince your spouse that you do not love him/her and want out, when the time comes to actually file, DON"T DO IT! This is the coup de gras of MLC. Absolutely DO NOT TAKE THE INITIATIVE. This is a most vital and awesome crazy-maker. Holding out will force your by now totally devastated spouse to finally throw up his/her hands and seek legal counsel.
2. Once the LBS has had enough and decides that divorce is in their best interest, you have won HUGE points here. Refusing to be the one to file now puts YOU in the role of victim, bringing you all the attention and pity necessary to allow you to again regain your image of the abused one in all this. Now you can, with absolutely NO guilt, tell everyone the divorce was your LBS's idea (which of COURSE it was!) and they will assume that: a. the LBS lost all that weight and obviously has been involved in an affair, and b. the marriage ended because your LBS spouse is going through a - YES! THE PINNACLE OF CRAZINESS! - Midlife Crisis!!
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Holly crap H4H, are you writing a book, its going to take me some time to read all this. Maybe I print it out.
Funny about your W looking at a post from Forest Gump. I have never told my W about this site. I really don't think she would care. You have a whole lot of stuff going on in your life. Way more then me, I don't know how you do it. My situation is so easy compared to what you are going through. I even have it easy when I have to clean the house - why ??? becasue there is no furniture in it
I have been following what you are posting, your W fainting would scare me. We all can see how much you love your W. It would be nice to have my W sleeping in bed with me still, I do miss that
I will continue to check your post and try to say hello more
We all have a long haul ahead of us, good or bad it's the path we choose in life that's important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Hell Jeff, I am looking to you for inspiration. I wish my WW would decide to leave kids with me. Hopefully, the seperation from the kids will get her thinking a bit more about things.
Circumstances keep happening to us that keep us here together. Finances. Things breaking down. Like your sitch, when it rains it pours. Last thing before she fainted was that she will probably postpone her move. I guess the money is running out. If she has to postpone indefinately, I will let her know that she will be here with boundaries or I will set things in motion myself.
I don't think she really read anything last night on the computer. She was trying to focus and only saw the name tag. I guess because they are in read. Maybe 20 seconds of looking.
I copied the MLC for dummies thing onto our computer. I changed it to be a little more specific to her.
Maybe some day. Not sure if she would find it funny right now. I was cracking up, though.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Picked D's up from daycare. A little later that I originally wanted to.
Truth be told, I think I was waiting a little later so that it co-incided with roomie getting off of work. I took her swimsuit with me just in case.
I know. Slap, slap. Snap out of it.
I go into the directors office and say, "So, I am the daddy, right?" They laugh and tell me that she forgot, once more, to add me as the parent, but faxed something to them later in the day. There were a couple of dads there picking kids up. They give me the look like, "We know,dude. We know."
WW calls me as we are at the truck. She asks me if I can pick up the girls, because she is late. It is 15 minutes to closing, and she is calling me NOW? I tell her I just picked them up. I tell her that they told me what happened, but she said she tried to add me, but the manager wasn't there in the morning. She says she just finished with a client very late and has to wait for a phone call pertaining to them. I tell her that I am taking them swimming. She asks at the health club, and I tell her no at MIL's pool. She sounds a little surprised and asks if I already got their stuff. I say yes, and that I got some things for her if she wants to join us. She says she'll call me.
We are having fun at pool, but I am fully aware that she has not called. I keep checking phone. I ask D's what they want for dinner. Someplace we haven't gone to before. We dedide on Wendys. They have never been. WW hates it. She worked there in high school.
WW calls at 15 til 8:00. I am angry. I have actually been angry most of the day. Been doing some thinking. My detaching, I guess. She asks what we want for dinner. I tell her what WE are going to do. She says that she is in town, also. At Penny's. I say ok. She says, "Ok, wellll, I guess I'll see ya'll at home." I say ok. Bye. Bye.
My mind is racing as to what she is doing. Pennys? She told me she was at Pennys the day I found the first receipt for a hotel room. Even if she IS at the store, she doesn't want to hang with her kids? My last thought is maybe she went Fathers day shopping now that she had a quick chance.
She sounded disappointed. I'm surprised I didn't invite her.
We dry off and change clothes. I am debating. Debating.
I call her back. "I know you hate Wendys, but your invited to eat with us if you want to."
She quickly says ok and we agree on which one to meet at. The one she used to work at. We get there at the same time. D11 runs to her, but D6 stays with me singing a song.
I don't acknowlede WW. I am upbeat and we go in to order. When inside, she tell me hello. I tell her hello. We order with a someone who seems to be training. A kid. I have to keep ordering. I order so many things that I don't even remember what the heck I ordered. He is reading it back and I am looking at WW. She is grinning at me. I always get the good ones. I say, "Sounds good. I have not idea what I just ordered anyway." I pay and we sit down.
We are eating and WW is asking about their day. D6 is sitting next to me and looks really tired. I am teasing and playing with her, but she is not too playful. She lays in my lap. D11 dedides to shoot a spit ball at my face. It sticks to my face and WW laughs and says we are lucky she didn't have anything in her mouth. I get up and try to wipe my face on D11's face and we are both on top of WW. We are being kind of loud. I go back to my chair and I get another spit ball. I take straw from my frosty and corner her and shoot frosty at her. We are having fun and I announce it is time to go.
Me doing stuff like this is a 180 for me. Not worrying what others are thinking. D11 decides to go home with me and D6 goes with WW. I leave before WW. We all stop at gas station. I gas up and WW is getting water bottle filled. We fill our own 6 gallon water jug for drinking water. I put in the back of her vehicle and notice she has some boxes broken down. She is getting ready for a move.
I leave before she does again. At home, girls in bed. I wash dishes and WW is cleaning up after pups. I hear her yelling at them. She has changed into her night gown. I am starting to HATE her night gowns. I have bought them all for her. Short, stretchy, clingy, low cut, very open. ARRGGHGHH! She comes out and shows me the back of her legs. Ugly scratch. Bleeding. I am pulling up her gown and rubbing the scratch on the back of her knee.
I am hating myself for letting myself get excited. I then debate about taking a shower. Maybe I'll wait until morning to let her walk in on me again. Nah, I'll take one tonight. I get out and WW comes from outside. I sit on bed. She brings a huge Pennys bag in front of me and lays down on bed. "Try them on before the girls give them to you." I'm a little confused. I say, "Where are ya'll going to be?" "Nowhere. I wanted you to try them on first before Sunday in case I got the wrong size." I have lost quite a bit of weight. I try them on and 2 of them are too big. She compliments them and says she likes the colors. 3 shirst, 3 ties and socks. We talk a little and decide to return 1. Maybe a white one instead and smaller.
I put it all back in the bag. I feel bad for what I was thinking earlier and I tell her thank you. "Your welcome." I say the girls will be excited. She is falling asleep.
Lights out.
As usual, I do not sleep well. Up every couple of hours. I find our feet touching. This time, her foot is rubbing mine. I again enjoy then fall asleep. I wish I could hold her. Gonna be like Jeff and ask her that last week if she will sleep in my arms. No strings attached.
Down a bit today. Thinking about her and time she might spend with OM in her apartment. Gotta put up the stop sign and just think about my D's.
Hope for the best and take care of myself.
Gonna be hard when she is gone.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
