I am glad to see you are slowly moving towards taking the initiative... Sad, scary and disappointing does sum it up...
The whole thing is a process and half the battle is getting into the right mindset.
My dad was the one that gently prodded me with pushing the D through. It is work and really there are a million other things I am sure you would rather do - but this needs to be on your to do list.
I am sorry you are having to go through this. Buddhist philosophies will sustain you through your journey and give you the strength and clarity of judgement to do what you need to do constructively.
Now I need to whack myself with the 2x4 b/c I am procrastinating!
