well since my old thread started with a neg tone and has since turned rather possitive I thought I'd just start a new one, it was time anyway.
I've never actually given the break down of things so I suppose I'll try here..
me. 30 h. 33 m 5 yrs s 4, dd 21 months
nov..2001 discover h has ff...h moves out for a week..we talk of d but things work out and h comes home. march 2002 (easter sunday) h "I can't do this anymore" moves out to parents, then to sisters june 2002. "ilynilwy" "yes I want a d" a friend shows me db aug 2002. ow asks her h for a d sept. 2002. h admits confusion and starts spending time with me again. by christmas h is living home again. friendship with ow terminated? but is still a customer till her house sells and she moves away?
ugh! that wasn't fun! now back to the good stuff
1. emt training was actually fun...I'm looking forward to more...next months training is water rescue.
2. h called at 9am to say hello and ask about the training (he was asleep when I got home)
3. I think I got a cuddle this morning but was half asleep so I don't really remember.
Hi, LL - GREAT new post!!!! Great new H behavior!!!!! Are you guys planningon ahving more kids? I think parenthood has been very very hard on our marriage. We have a boy & a girl, and will not have any more. Son is 3 1/2, just recently fully potty trained, and I am starting to feel the pressure of parenthood lifting a little. If you guys can get through what you're going through now - in a positive way - you'll get through ANYTHING!!!
KEEP ON DBING!!!
Oh, yeah. 3 positives for today:
1) last night SBH talked to his Dad, who told him I am a good person who cares very much for SBH, and if we can work it out, we'll have "the best marriage in the world." 2) while telling me about that conversation with his Dad, SBH also told me not to worry about getting a job for now - keep the kids home for the summer to save $$$ (yeah -BIG $$$) on child care, and make it my mission to get our house looking pristine to sell
3) Looked at homes for sale in the neighborhood we want to move into, and looks like we will be able to get something comparable to what we have (which is fine size-wise, we just want to be in the neighborhood where D5 is going to school now - it's in the district of our child care place, and is an AWESOME very small neighborhood elementary school). D says often she wants to be "a walker" rather than ride the bus...
On the down side - I'm sick - sore throat, had kids home past two days - they are better, I am not! On the up side, though - if I stop bbing I can take a nap!
You sound great! You sound so much more action oriented to get things done for you. I'm just guessing that H is seeing that too, thus his actions and reactions.
Now if you can just resist the temptation to tilt at other people's windmills (hello TonyP) you'll be on your way to the happiness that you and your family deserve.
Thanks for welcoming me to piecing on my thread. Your new positive thread is really great. Maybe everyone should try finding 3 good things since it seems to be doing wonders for you and SAM. Focus on the positives. I have followed your threads as a lurker for about 7 or so months and you remind me that things go well and sometimes even the best DBers have some down times then make turnarounds. That's important to remember and very easy to forget. Keep up the great work. Your H is a lucky man.
Quoting lostlove: friendship with ow terminated? but is still a customer till her house sells and she moves away?
This is the hard one, right? It just sucks that he's still "seeing" her, right? I know it does (did) for me.
LL do you remember my epiphany about my understanding and accepting that what she did/does is really none of my business? I have been living that concept for months now, and it really works. In fact, I've articulated it to W,and she actually protests that it IS my business, and she has been making sure that she informs me of what she does. Meanwhile, I continue to make it none of my business, in that I truly have no control of what she does, and if she chooses to have contact with him, I can't change that --- only she can. I can hope that her respect for my wishes will lead to her limiting contact. I can hope that he will fade away. But it's none of my business.
This has worked for me.
Today, I found that she's begun reading "Surviving an Affair" again (she saw me reading it from the library, and asked that I buy a copy so she might read it... Then it sat). I see little evidence that she's having planned (social) contact with OM. When she does, she lets me know. I suppose I'm getting a lot here, as much as I gnash my teeth whenever he's around, but I'm getting honesty. I'm getting some respect. I can only hope she will give more, I can only make things safe for her to trust me enough to respect me more.
You're doing great, LL. EMT, huh? I was thinking of joining the local volunteer fire dept and doing the same thing. Howzit going?
things do seem to go well when you focus on what is going well.
Quote: This is the hard one, right? It just sucks that he's still "seeing" her, right? I know it does (did) for me.
actually h told me that the last time he saw her was when he went to her house to fertilize and open the sprinkler system..did them in the same day to avoid having to be there twice..says he wasn't alone (had an employee with him) and she left within 5min of his arival...and claims she didn't even say hello...they didn't speak she just left...also claims to not have even been in that neighborhood since then.
but then again he did tell me last year that the last time he talked to her was a call she made to him about needing firewood and I believed that one too so I'm stuck with what to believe...h would tell me that was then...I wouldn't have come home to lie. h does seem more relaxed now so that may be an indication that he isn't hiding anything.
we'll see...time will tell...as far as I know h has no idea where she plans to move and claims not to even care...
Quote:
You're doing great, LL. EMT, huh? I was thinking of joining the local volunteer fire dept and doing the same thing. Howzit going?
my actual emt course starts june 17th it will be every tues and thurs night from 6-10 til aug 26th...I am a bit nervous about how this will effect h and I but hope it will be a possitive thing to have me not around...kinda make him miss ME!
so doing more of what works!
my three positives and hey it's only 8:30 am
1. h attempted to make plans...or at least said...maybe sat night would be the better for us to do something...and suggested tonight we get chinese food.
2. got an appology call yesterday afternoon from h...we had a conversation where he was a bit snippy...he called to let me know it wasn't me, he was just annoyed with what he was doing...(bill paying)
3. got a call this am from a friend (sons friends mom) to meet at the lake this afternoon with some other moms and kids...summers getting here!!!
